Chasing Fleeting Dreams
by K.C Daring
Summary: Being a teenager is hard enough, but keeping a secret that will change everything doesn't make it any easier. Will Miroku find his way in a world were no one truly understands who he really is and will his secret push his friends away? ((Koga, Ayame, and Sesshomaru have small parts in this story.)) Read to find out.
1. Prologue

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. So do not sue me. Thank you.

Summary: When a secret keeps someone from falling in love how far will one go to discover the truth? What will the truth cause? Will someone's heart break? Why is it so vital to keep it a secret? Who's going out on a limb? Where will it all lead? All these answers will be found in this story. ;)

Prolong

As I walk these familiar hallways, listening to the sounds of laughter, whispers and voices, life, that's what I hear around me, I think about what makes me unlike them. I can't have all the things they will one day hold dear, I am just not like them. Oh yes, I pretend I am the same, I smile and laugh and talk about a distant future. I tell them about my dream career, about a wife and family I will one day have and about those other crazy teenage dreams. They don't know about my secret, I have that buried deep inside. I like my image of being just like them, this game of charades does make me fit in. I don't need or want to be treated differently, I am, too, just an adolescent teen trying to find my own way in this great big world.

Time is ones only restraint, but ones time varies from one to another. Time to a person is just as mysterious as what hides in their beating heart, each life is a different story that must be told. Ah, death can rip out the end to any life, making it seem incomplete, too short or greatly unfair. Life keeps going on for others after the death of a single being, some will never even notice their absence. They are forgotten by most of the world, that's not what they intended. Isn't that what most people really want, to be remembered after their gone? I know I want to be remembered, I want my name to be spoken long after I'm gone. I'm Miroku Hisashi and this...this is my story.

(A/N) I know this is really short, but it's just the prolong. R&R Please tell me what you think and whether I should keep writing this story.


	2. Part 1: Being Normal

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. So do not sue me. Thank you.

Part 1: Being Normal

I am pulled from my thoughts once I hear a familiar voice calling my name. "Miroku, I've been looking for you. Where were you yesterday?" So the questions begin with Inuyasha, not that I'm not prepared for it, my monthly absences don't go unnoticed. "I had to go visit my grandad again, he gets worse all the time." His skepticism doesn't get past me, I see it. "You could go see him after school you know?" "He's never awake that late in the afternoon, besides it shouldn't matter to you when my family and I visit my grandad." The quick lift of his shoulders told me I had made a point and that this Q&A was over.

I make my way to my locker and quickly turn the dial with a pattern that is well practiced. Grabbing my History text book for first period, shutting the opened locker door I spin on my heels and head towards homeroom. Homeroom always passes quickly and as I make my way to History class, I think of her. I know her interrogation will be harder to end, she would want all the details. Sango has always been that way, she wanted to make sure you told her nothing but the truth. Lies, I told a lot of them.

I walk through the doorway and cross the room to my desk, Sango is already in her rightful place behind me. She smiles at me and I feel my heart do a back flip in my chest. "There you are. Why were you absent yesterday?" So it begins. "I was visiting my grandad." Her gaze locks on mine. "You say that every month. Wouldn't you go more often if he's as sick as you say he is?" She had a good point, but I will not break. "If I went with my mom weekly, I'd have to go through your interrogation four times as much." She laughs, God I love how it sounds everytime. "You are such a smartass, Miroku." "Yes, I am and you love me anyway." Love...wouldn't that be nice? "You look tired today. Are you feeling alright?" Yes, I am tired and no I don't feel well, but I would never tell her that. "I didn't get that much sleep last night, but I feel just fine." Her eyes search mine looking for truth in the words I just spoke.

The bell rings and the teacher takes her place in front of the class, I am saved by the bell. Turning to face the chalkboard and opening my text book to the appropriate page, I continue on with pretending to be normal. I know that she is not done drilling me, she has just begun. Staring straight ahead, trying to focus on the lesson while a million different thoughts run through my mind, I begin to feel exhausted. The day always seems longer after my trip to see my grandad, I guess that's what I would tell my friends. It's not that I want to lie, but it's just easier to and though I trust them enough to tell them, I don't want the constant pity. No, it's more than that, I want them to see me as an equal, not as someone who needs pity or worry.

"Miroku, are you paying attention?" Snapping back to reality, I realize everyone is now staring at me. "Yes, ma'am, I was paying attention." Her frown deepened. "Then why don't you answer the question I just gave to you." I guess I'm caught, I wasn't listening and see knew it. Might as well wing it. "1845." Glaring at me, she slams a ruler to her desk. "Are you trying to be funny, Miroku?" "No ma'am, I'm not. Did I answer incorrectly?" The class snickers at my current predicament, nothing abnormal about that. "Yes, you got it incorrect. Would you like giving it another try." Smiling now, I respond, "No ma'am, I think I'll let someone else give it a try." Hearing her exaperated sigh the students snickers turn to chuckles and giggles, growing more tired I allow class to just drift by.

Hearing the bell signal the end of first period, I pick up my book while leaving my chair, I try to make my way quickly from the room. "Miroku wait up, I want to walk with you." I knew that was coming, she wasn't done with me yet, but I still halt in my exit. "You always try to leave before we finish our conversation." I roll my eyes. "I don't want to be late for class, Sango. Besides, I honestly thought we finised that talk." Placing her hands on her hips while giving me that look of hers, she responds. "As if you're even paying attention in class. You don't look well at all today, if you ask me." I don't feel well, but she doesn't need to know that. "I don't recall asking you and I was paying attention." "Don't get smart with me. Are you really feeling okay?" I hate lying to her, I really do, but it's better this way. "I'm just tired, but I'm perfectly fine." I put on my most convincing smile and she smiles in return. "I'll see you at lunch, Miroku. Later." She turns away from me, heading towards her own locker. Winding my way through the crowded hallway, I walk up to my locker, leaning my back against it, I slide down until I am comfortably sitting on the floor.

I let my eyes close, I deserve that much. I really was supossed to be in bed resting, but I needed to be in school like everyone else. "What ya doin down there?" I look up to see Inuyasha and Koga looking down on me with curiousity evident on their features. "Just taking a break." Inuyasha smiles down at me, "Why, did the walk to your locker wear you out?" Yes, it did actually. "No, Inuyasha, it didn't. I had a very long day yesterday." "Sitting in a hospital with your sick grandad wore you out?" No, you wise ass, it didn't. "I don't know why you have to harass me Inuyasha, but it shouldn't matter to you what exactly wore me out." Inuyasha glaces over at Koga, who just shrugs his shoulders absently. "What's your deal, man, you seem touchy today. I'm just worried about you." And boom, there it was. I don't want to be fussed over, but friends just don't always take the hint. "You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine." To prove my point, I stand up, willing my knees not to buckle. "Whatever you say, Miroku. Wanna walk to class with us." Although, I don't truly want to walk anywhere with anyone, I reluctently agree. I'm not sure what they were talking about, my mind was focused on walking, so I just nod every once in awhile, pretending to listen.

By lunch time, I feel completely drained of all my energy and I still have to deal with Sango's constant questions. She is the one that worries about me the most, even though I reassure her that I am perfectly fine. I know that it's a lie, but I'm protecting her from the truth...which I also know can't be hidden forever. I won't be able to keep it a secret perpetually, it just isn't possible. I sit underneath the shade of a giant oak, she'll be here any minute...it's our little getaway. I let my eyes close another time, maybe I can just take a short nap. The idea of sleep is short lived as I hear her approach. "You're not eating today, Roku?" I hated that nickname, but it's not too bad coming from her. "No, I'm not hungry." Her apprehensive look becomes more clear. "You should eat something, it might make you feel better." I try not to show the irritation that is just hidden underneath the surface. "I've already told you twice today that I'm fine." "Roku, I know you're lying. What's wrong? Be honest with me...please." I wince, I hate when she looks at me with pleading eyes like that. It almost makes me want to tell her the truth... almost. "I am being honest with you, I'm good, like I said before...I'm just tired." It wasn't all a lie, I really was tired. Closing my eyes again, I sit back and enjoy the warmth of spring.

Ten minutes of complete silence, Sango's voice fills the air. "Miroku, would you tell me if something was wrong with you...bothering you." My heart skips a beat, "That's a random question, Sango." Her eyes drop and she idly plays with a blade of grass. "You're not answering me though, you always talk cautiously, like you're hiding something. Don't you trust me enough to tell me everything?" I do trust her, but I don't want to hurt her. Ignorance is bliss. "Of course I trust you, you're one of my best friends. Nothing is bothering me, so there's nothing to tell." She looks at me with a hurt in her eyes that's hard to ignore. "Do you swear on my life Miroku, that everything is okay?" Damn, why must she do this to me. "Sango, is all this necessary?" Her eyes lock with mine. "Damnit, Miroku! You're doing it again. Just answer the freaking question." I let my gaze dart from hers, I couldn't answer her question...not truthfully. "Sango, I don't want to talk about this right now." I look up to her to see her reaction, she seems hurt and shocked. "Then there is something wrong. You can tell me about it. I can help you." I smile, trying to lighten the mood. "It's not something you can help me with, I have to deal with it alone. There is nothing you can do to fix it...but I've...I've accepted it." Now it's my turn to idly play with a blade of grass. "It's nothing serious, right?" I smile again. "No Sango, it's nothing serious." Then the silence settles over us again, but I notice the thoughtful look on her beautiful features.

The silence only lasts four minutes this time before her voice drifts into my ears. "I wish you would tell me what's got you so tired. You really look sick today." I frown sadly. "Sometimes things are better left unsaid, this is one of those things." I watch her twirl a stand of her hair as I wait for her reply. "I care about you Miroku, I really do, and I hate knowing that you're dealing with something that has you so stressed, that you're actually getting sick." I can't help but feel touched, but I can handle this alone. "I know you care about me, it's obvious. I'm not getting stressed out to the point of sickness, I promise." I lift my hand, pinky extended, our childhood promise. "I pinky promise." She smiles and wraps her pinky around mine. She grabs some strawberries from her lunch bag and pushes the container towards me. "You need to eat something. Okay?" My stomach really doesn't feel up to the task of eating anything, but for her I eat some anyway.

The day is finally over and I can get home to sleep. "Hey, Miroku!" Or not... "Hey, Yash. What's up?" "Some of us guys are gonna stick around and play some basketball. Walk home later, instead of taking the bus. You game?" Oh, I did really want to go home. But wasn't this part of being normal? "I don't know Yash, I'm really tired." He frowns at me. "C'mon man, you'll wake up after the first few hoops, it's a fast paced game." I knew that, which is all the more reason to decline, I probably wouldn't be able to keep up. "I need to get home, my mom will worry if I don't show up when I normally do." Pulling the ball from his gym bag he looks back at me. "You've stayed after school before to shoot hoops. What's the big deal now?" I sigh in defeat, he had a really good point. "Okay I'll stay." "Awesome. I'll meet you in the gym." I smile as he turns away, while the idea of sleep is forced away.

I walk into the gym and toss my bag on the bleachers, seeing only three other people, I now realize they needed me to make it a two on two game. Koga looks in my direction and nods his greeting. "Looks like we're all here. So is it me and Sesshomaru verses you and Miroku?" Inuyasha nods and I feel sorry that he'll lose this game. Inuyasha speaks up next. "So I say we play to twenty." "Sounds fine to me little brother." I knew this was gonna happen, but not this soon. Eleven minutes into the game and I'm already on the floor coughing and gasping for air. Inuyasha is sitting on the ground next to me, while Sesshomaru and Koga look on with concern from the bleachers. "Miroku, Miroku...are you alright? You don't look so good." I don't know why he's trying to ask me questions, it's not like I could answer him. "Would you like me to get you some water?" I nod my head vigorously and he gets up and moves towards the vending machine. He forces the now opened water bottle in my hand as I try to catch my breath, I drink the cold water and it helps. Sesshomaru's voice questions me next. "What the hell was all that about?" Oh I will not explain that to them, not gonna happen. "I just need to go home." I stand up on weak shaky legs, grab my bag and leave three confused and concerned friends behind.


	3. Part 2: Keeping the Secret

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. So do not sue me. Thank you.

Part 2: Keeping the Secret

My weekend starts just like I want it to, which includes me lounging on the couch watching movies. It's just the thing I need, rest and relaxation. After the past two days, I'm on the verge of colapsing, I'm not a fan of being this exhausted. The only thing that could possibly make this day any better, is if my phone would stop ringing. I know my friends only mean well and Friday didn't end like I had planned for it to. This secret is becoming a burden to keep, but I don't have a choice. If I tell anyone, my life will change forever, I'll hide it for as long as I can. Closing my eyes and settling in for a nap I hear the doorbell ring and the sound of my moms footsteps. "Miroku, your friends are hear to see you." Damn, there went my perfect day.

"What are you guys doing here?" I try to put on a bright smile, but it's hard to be convincing when I'm annoyed. Inuyasha looks me dead in the eyes, "We need to talk and by we, I mean you. What the hell are you hiding?" I knew it would come to this, but I'm not ready yet. "I'm not hiding anything, so there's nothing to talk about." Kagome's quiet voice comes next. "Miroku, we know that there's something... wrong. We're really worried about you." There is was again, that word...worried. "You guys don't need to worry, I'm fine." Koga chuckles, "Then what the hell happened on Friday? Can you explain that to us?" Okay, they aren't being fair ganging up on me like this, I just want to rest. "Nothing happened, it's not even a big deal." "It is a big deal, damnit. Miroku, don't you see what you're doing? You couldn't even breathe, you scared the hell outta me. Do you really not see anything wrong with that?" Inuyasha just wouldn't let it go, it's not like I had ever let it happen before. "I'm alive aren't I? Can't you just be happy with that fact alone?" Sango steps forward, I guess it's her turn. "Miroku, we just want you to trust us enough to tell us what has gotten into you." I sigh. "Nothing has gotten into me, I'm the same person I am today as I was a month ago."

I look up and I see the faces of all my friends staring at me. "Do you guys really not trust me?" "Now don't go playing that card, you know that's not true." I'm not playing anything, Yash." Sango lowers herself onto the couch next to me. "It's not that we don't trust you, we've just noticed you changing. You're constantly tired, losing weight, colasping, missing school monthly and being evasive. Something's up with you and you know it." They seem to have talked to each other before they came, this is truly not fair. "Guys, I'm tired, I just want to sleep. Can't we do this later?" Inuyasha places his hand on my shoulder. "No we can't do this later, because that will just give you time to make crap up." Laying my head back I try to clear my thoughts. "I'm honestly too tired to do anything, I just want to take I nap. Is that really too much to ask for?" Frowning I face my friends. "Is us asking you to tell us what's wrong too much to ask for, Roku?" "Yes, Sango. Yes it is." Koga leans against the wall. "You're just being stubborn." Stubborness had nothing to do with it. Sitting down on the floor, Kagome looks me in the eyes. "You're changing, Miroku, you aren't the same person, you just aren't." I really was trying to be the same, I didn't want this thing to change me as much as it had, I'm hiding the truth for a reason.

I look over at Inuyasha so he can say whatever is on his mind. "You're my bestfriend...you really scared me yesterday. I thought you were gonna pass out, that wasn't normal." I wince, I guess even though I am trying, I'm still not normal, but he contines talking. "You looked faint and weak, you've never done that before. I just want to know what has you so tired." I really am getting tired of keeping this secret, but it's not time to tell them, no...not yet. "I'm fine. How many times do I have to tell you all that?" Sango places her hand on my knee and a nervous chill runs up my spine. "Roku, you don't have to lie us anymore. You know as well as we know, that there is something wrong. We're your friends, telling us shouldn't be a big deal." I look around the room and at the concerned faces of my friends, I sigh. "It's not that I doubt our friendships, I just don't want anything to change. I want things like they used to be, not like this...no matter what happens, I just want you to remember who I am. I'm just like you guys, I'm a sixteen year old teenager who wants people to treat me like an equal." Their concerned looks change to confused ones.

Koga stands up straight, leaving the wall. "This is exactly what we mean. You're vague in your responces. What the hell are you even talking about?" I run my hands through my hair, trying to gather my thoughts. Playing it off as nothing just isn't working anymore, they aren't accepting it. "Can't you just drop this? I honestly don't feel like it's worth talking about." Inuyasha slides his hand down his face in an exasperated manner. "This isn't all about you, we have a right to care about you. We need to know what has gotten into you." I inhale sharply, attempting to keep calm. "This isn't all about you guys either. Have you ever taken into consideration that maybe I don't want to talk about it? That maybe, just friggin maybe, I would prefer this 'problem' to not even exist and that it's possible that you guys are just making it worse? As far as I can see you guys aren't thinking of my feelings at all." I allow my shoulders to drop and I place my head in my hands, I'm exhausted. Kagome voice once again quietly fills the room. "We do care about your feelings, but we care about what's gotten into you too." I close my eyes, I'll just go to sleep and when I wake up, they will be gone.

Inuyasha speaks again. "Closing your eyes isn't going to make us disappear, you are going to talk to us. So you might as well start confessing." I open my eyes and look at him with anger in my gaze. "There is nothing I need to confess, let it go, this is none of your damn business. Leave me alone." Sango stands up quickly and her look matches my anger equally. "Maybe this isn't our business, but you don't have to be an asshole, just because we care about you enough to worry. So drop the attitude crap, you have no right to get angry. You are becoming a complete jerk." Ouch, that really did hurt me. "If you guys would just let it go, I'm not asking for a million dollars or for you to get me the moon, just forget about this." Koga drops to the floor. "We're not asking for the moon or money either, just for you to put your pride aside and let us help you." I let my gaze drop to look at the floor. "You guys can't help me, even if I tell you, so stop bugging me about it." Inuyasha grins. "You'd be surprised at what we can accomplish if we work together, we can help you, you just have to let us." I'm getting angry now and it's getting harder to keep my voice at a normal volumn. Heh, it's funny how hard I strive to make everything I do normal. "You can't help me with this. What do I have to do to make you all believe me?" Kagome looks at everyone in the room, then back at me. "All you have to do is tell us what's wrong."

It probably is that easy, but after that... things will just change. "I don't want to tell you, I just want you to trust that I am telling the truth. Really, guys...there is absolutly nothing you can do to make this go away, I promise." My anger is fading now, I'm just getting upset. "Roku, we do believe you, we trust you, but that doesn't change that fact that we are worried about you." How many times are they gonna say that before they leave? "Even if I told you...you guys would still worry. So just remain in blissful ignorance." Inuyasha looks skeptical. "I don't think I like the sound of that." "You wouldn't like what I'd have to tell and I don't need to do this any longer than I have. I don't feel well guys, I just want to sleep." Inuyasha watches me a moment. "So you're sick?" I swallow hard. "Not really, just not feeling great today. I'm worn out is all... I don't see why I have to keep repeting myself." Sango's anger returns. "You're lying, I can tell when you lying to me! What the hell is going on with you, where the hell is the Roku I've come to love?" I feel my heart break a little, I am pushing them away. "I'm trying to be the same person I've always been, I really am." At this point, I am fighting back tears, I will not let them see me cry. "I don't want to change, I don't want us to change...but I can't stop this...I can't and I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to keep this from spinning out of control and the last thing I want to do is drag you down with me."

I quit talking for a moment, so I can stop the shaking in my voice, I will not lose it. "This is really hard for me and you guys aren't making it any easier. I'm- You know what? I'm not getting into this. I would like it, if guys would leave." Sango throws her arms around me in a hug. "Roku, please...please just talk to us. Tell us what's wrong." I draw in a shaky breath. "I-I can't. I'm sorry. This isn't the time or place. I'll tell all of you when the time is right. That's a promise." Sango pulls away from me and looks at me with her fawn like eyes. "Miroku, you shouldn't feel sorry. We shouldn't have pushed you this far and upset you like this." Koga looks at his watch. "I go to go, see y'all on Monday." He leaves the room with his common comfortable stirde, Koga never puts too much effort in to anything. Inuyasha calls out to him, "Yeah, later. See ya at school." He pauses for a moment as if thinking of something. "Miroku, Sango's right. We have been hard on you today and you can talk about it when you're ready." I smile, grateful to have such understanding friends. "Thank you. I promise I will tell you someday." Kagome stands up from her place on the floor. "I guess we should all go and let you rest. We'll see you on Monday." My friends tell me goodbye and I am left in a quiet livingroom.

I lay back on the couch and a new wave of thoughts hit me. Inuyasha really did seem concerned about me and he rarely shows his feelings. I'm changing things, even though I wanted them to stay the same. Koga and Yash usually compete at anything they do, but here they were, working together just to get me to reveal this secret. I'm losing the life that I know, for this one...I don't want it and I didn't ask for it, but here it is. Small changes I can handle... in small doses. I lost the person I am supposed to be, the life I am supposed to have. It's funny how you think you have life figured out, planned out and one small word can change it all. This one word takes away things, you never even had the chance to have, as if you don't deserve them. I'm not a bad person, I don't deserve this, but I got it. It stole from me, it stole the things I dreamed I'd have and crushed them...I will never get them back.

Then she comes to mind, her face, her smile, her eyes and her voice. Everytime I'm with her, I realize how much more I love her. Her heart and love are other things I have no right to hold. It wouldn't be fair to her, she deserves much more than I can ever offer. It's not that I wouldn't love her enough or treat her right. I would love her with all my heart and treat her like the delicate flower she is. It's much deeper than that. She's perfect in so many ways and she should have someone as perfect as she is. I'm not perfect, I'm broken. I'm just not what she needs, not even close. I know that there is something between us, a spark, a connection but I'll never verify it. If she ever was to ask, I'd lie and deny. I love her so much that I'll let my heart break, I will keep my feelings to myself and I'll keep the words in my throat. She'll never know how I feel, that's one secret I'll take to the grave. I would never hurt her that way, I don't have time to love her long enough, time is short when you're dying.

****Please read and review, I REALLY need some feedback.


	4. Part 3: Breaking Down

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. So do not sue me. Thank you.

Part 3: Breaking Down.

I'm finally beginning to feel better now, it's about time. Missing a full week of school was difinitely something new for me, something I didn't want to happen this soon. I know that I'm growing weaker and it's only a matter of time before going to school, at all, will be impossible. Though that's not my biggest fear, that would actually be telling my friends the truth. I know they will never abandon me because of it, but I know at some point, I'll have to let them leave me behind. I don't have the future my friends have, I won't even be a part of their futures. It's sad really, to know where I stand, it's only a matter of time before I am nothing more than a part of the past. Hearing voices I snap out of my thoughtfull reserve and look around to see my mother and Sango walk into the livingroom.

"Hey, Sango...mom." My mother smiles at me, but in that smile is always a hint of sadness. "Sango said she has missed you at school and wanted to see you. I'm just going to leave you two alone, call me if you need anything." She walks out of the room leaving Sango and I in a silent room. "How are you feeling today?" "A lot better actually." She looks away and nibbles on her bottom lip, I think she looks cute when she does that. "Miroku, I really missed you this week, school just wasn't the same without you." I smile slightly. "I'm sorry, if I'd known you'd miss me so much, I would have forced myself out of bed and come to school, just for you." She giggles. "You are too cute and so sweet. Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I flinch inwardly. "I guess I just haven't gotten around to looking for one." Probably because I can't stop looking at her. "You should ask someone to the spring formal." I look down at my hands. "I don't think I want to go to the dance." She takes my hand and I shiver. "Why not? I'm going." I feel my heart ache a little at her words. "You have a date?" She shrugs. "Koga and I are going as friends, he couldn't find the nerve to ask Ayame out." I relax somewhat. "Sounds like you're gonna have fun."

She smiles brightly. "It would be more fun if you would be there." She squeezes my hand gently. "Well, I'm not much of a dancer." She laughs quietly. "I'll teach you, please, just come." "Okay, I'll go with you. You don't have to beg." Placing her head on my shoulder she giggles again. "I don't beg, I just talk until I get my way." "I see, there is a difference in that." She turns to me. "I'm just glad you're better, now we can spend the week together." Sometimes, in moments like these, I think about telling her everything. "That would be nice. How about a picnic tomorrow?" Clasping her hand together she turns to me excitedly. "That's sounds perfect. So, will it be out in your backyard, like we did when we were kids?" I nod. "Of course, wouldn't be the same if it were anywhere else." She stands up and grabs my hand and pulls me off the couch. "Lets go for a walk. Please?" I stretch. "Alright, I'll go." She leads me to the front door. "Going out mom." I hear her voice coming from the kitchen. "Okay, but don't be gone too long."

We walk down the street and her fingers entwine with mine and once again my heart skips a beat. I couldn't lie to myself, I had fallen in love with her, well no, it's just a thought. She is the only person that makes me feel alive, normal and whole. I wonder if she feels the same way about me, I can never ask her, but I can wonder. "Miroku, what are you thinking about." Sango did always have the ability to read me like a book. "I'm not thinking about anything." There I go, lying again. "If you say so." I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe me. "You told me I should have a girlfriend, so I get to ask this. Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" She frowns and looks at me. "Well, because the guy I like doesn't seem to like me back. He won't even ask me out." "He's got to be crazy not to ask you out, you're amazing. He'll see what he's missing out on, trust me." She looks away. "I hope you're right." "You know I'm right, just you watch, that guy will ask you to the spring formal." I'll just hate to see you dance with him, but it's better that way. "Roku, would you like to walk me home?" I smile softly. "I would." I return home after walking Sango to her house. I lay down in my bed, it's bad that doing small things like that wear me out. I pull the blanket up and close my eyes and I let myself drift into a deep slumber.

I open my eyes once the sunlight streams in through my window. 'Hmm, I guess I slept all day and night...I must not exactly be one hundred percent better.' I push the blankets aside and try to stretch out the aches. Getting up, I cross the hall to the bathroom, a shower would probably ease the muscle tension. I walk to the sink, turn on the tap and splash cold water on my face to wash away the exhaustion. Turning the handle I shut off the water, grabbing a towel I dry my face. Looking in the mirror I see the paleness of my skin, I realize again that it's getting harder to hide the truth. Yanking the shower curtain over to one side, I turn on the hot water. Pulling the shirt over my head then cooling the liquid by adding cold into the mix, I remove the rest of my clothes and let myself enjoy a shower.

After getting dressed I begin to prepare a lunch for Sango and I, she'll probably be here shortly. "Good morning son. Did you sleep well?" I glance over my shoulder. "Yeah, I slept great." Rinsing the dishes in the sink she talks softly. "Your friends don't know yet, do they?" I shake my head slowly. "No mom, they don't and I would like to keep it that way for as long as possible." She frowns at me with a disappointed look. "Honey, it isn't fair to keep this from them, they're your friends. Do you really want them to find out when things get worse?" She dries her hands on the towel hanging from the wall. "I really don't know what I want right now, but I know that it's keeping me away from things I do want." She walks up to me and places her hand gently on me cheek. "What is this keeping you from?" I blink back the tears that are threatening to fall, I can't cry, I must be strong for my mother. "Love, it's keeping me from love. Mom, I think I've fallen for Sango." She brushes the hair from my face. "You have every right to love. Sick or not, you deserve to find the love of your life." I smile sadly. "I don't want to hurt her...I don't want to hurt anyone." "You're hurting yourself, Miroku, you are still a person with feelings, wants and needs. You have love you want to give, just like any other living, breathing person." I don't mean for it to happen, but a single tear escapes me. "I'm dying, mom. I can't put any girl through that, especially Sango. I love her too much to hurt her like that. I may be a living, breathing person, but lets face it...I won't be living or breathing for long." My mother starts to rebuttle but is interupted by a knock on the door. "I'll get the door, you finish making that lunch for you and Sango."

I wipe the tear from my cheek and continue with the lunch when her voice fills the air from the entry way. God, I love the way she sounds, she has my heart and doesn't even know it. "Hey there cuteness." I wish she wouldn't say things like that. "Hey Sango. You ready for our picnic?" She hugs me. "That's what I came here for." She releases me. "C'mon, you don't want to keep me waiting. Do you?" I grin. "No, I would never do that to you." Sango takes on a thoughtful look and her eyes take on a hint of sadness. "Sango, is something wrong?" She looks up at me quickly. "No, I'm fine. I was just thinking about something." I take on a look of confusion. "What were you thinking about?" "The guy I like." My heart drops slightly. "Oh, I'm sure everything will turn out fine." She smiles. "He's pretty clueless, I may have to tell him how I feel and ask him to be my boyfriend." Yeah, it happens...I feel my heart shatter completely. "You do whatever you have to do to make yourself happy. You deserve it." Grabbing the the basket and leaving the house, we walk out to the table over looking my moms small pond and garden. "You made sandwiches, right?" I smile. "What else could we have for lunch?" She takes the basket from me and begins setting up our picnic.

As she pulls out the last few items, she pushes the plastic cups and thermos towards me. I pour the chilled sweet tea into the cups and look back at her. I know that I shouldn't think like this, but it really does feel like a date. "Hey, Roku...why don't we go see a movie tomorrow?" I bite into a chip. "I don't know why you even ask. You know I'd go anywhere with you." She sips on her tea. "I always have to ask, just so I can hear your answer." I want to tell her everything, I want to tell her how much I love her and I want to tell her the truth about what I have been hiding. "Okay then. I would love to go to the movies with you." I can't tell her...I just can't. Sango picks up her sandwich and takes a small bite. "This is really bringing me back. Remember our first picnic out here?" I laugh at the memory of it. "How could I forget? I made the most terrible lunch, but you loved it anyway." I hear her soft and sweet giggle. "You were seven and it was very cute and it was not terrible. I loved peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches...and the unshapely hearts you tried to cut them in to, it was sweet." I'm sure I blush. "I called it the best friend picnic lunch." She beams. "We'll be best friends for life." And once again I feel my heart break.

The picnic ended about an hour ago and I already wish she was still here. I hear my mom enter my room so I turn to face her. "How was your lunch with Sango?" "It was just as perfect as every other picnic we've had." My mom smiles. "We never finished our earlier conversation." I frown slightly. "There's nothing else I need to say about that topic." I get up to leave the room and I feel my moms hand grip my wrist. "Don't you dare walk away from me young man. We are talking about this, because what you said earlier killed me a little inside. You have no hope, no faith...I don't like hearing you say you're going to die." I don't want to talk about this. "What do you expect me to say, mom? That I have a future, that I'm just like everyone else or that I can be whatever I want to be. You want me to lie to myself?" She gives me a shake as if to wake me up. "No, I want you to believe you can beat this thing. That you have a long life ahead of you. I hate seeing you so defeated. I just want my happy son back." I inhale deeply trying to keep myself from breaking down. She throws her arms around me, pulling me to the bed and being strong is no longer my priority. The tears fall, I'm no longer in control.

I wake up the next morning, I don't remember falling asleep. I rub the ache from my eyes, I don't recall how long I cried with my mother but I know I should apologize for it. I walk downstairs to join my mom for breakfast. "Goodmorning Miroku. I hope you slept well." I look in her direction to find she has her back to me. "I slept fine, but about last night." She responds without turning around. "Don't you dare say you're sorry. You did absolutely nothing wrong last night. Do you understand me?" "Yeah, I understand." She places a plate in front of me. "You try to eat all of that." I nod. "Alright." After I eat, I head up to my room to do my homework. In other words I am trying to kill time until I get to see Sango.

The hours pass rather quickly and she should be here within twenty minutes, so I get up from the desk and close my textbooks. I cross the room to my dresser and pull out the t-shirt Sango got me for my birthday. I change and head back downstairs to wait for the girl I may have fallen for, the more I think about her the more I want to tell her everything, all of it. I have my fears about what will happen to our unchanging friendship if I was to ever tell her. Will she still see me as the same person? I don't know what it will change and there is only one way to find out. The sound of the doorbell snaps me back to reality. I hear the door open and Sango call out to me. "Hey Roku. Are you ready to go?" She walks into the room and she looks amazing, not that it's anything new. I stand up. "Yeah, I'm ready." I hold out my hand and I am slightly suprised when she takes it. "So what movie do you wanna see, Roku?" I shrug. "I'll leave that up to you." She smiles "How about we just talk a walk around the park, down to the river? We'll be alone that way, we can talk about nothing in particular." She wants to be alone, with me. What about that guy she likes? "I like talking about nothing in particular with you. Lets go."

Walking down the park trail with her hand in mine, I have a hard time remembering that this is not a date. "Miroku, we need to talk about something I find...important." I take on a confused look. "We do?" She looks away, frowning. "Yes, we do. You're my best friend and I really care about you and it hurts me to know that you are keeping a secret from me. You're going through something bad and you can't even let me go through it with you." I do want to tell her, I really do, but I'm too afraid to. "Not this again, Sango, I thought we agreed to let this go." She releases my hand and faces me. "You just don't see this how I...how we see it. We are all uneasy about your secret. You aren't acting right and you are changing things. I don't know what you're going through, but you have me completely worried." I frown sadly. "I don't want you to worry, that's not what I'm trying to accomplish. I just have a lot to think about before I tell you guys what's going on. I'm worried about what you all will think about me and what the truth will change. I want you guys to see me as the guy I've always been and the truth might prevent that." She sits down on a bench and motions for me to sit down with her, so I comply. "How I feel about you will never change, you are an important part of my life and I love you." My mind begins to race at the words she just spoke, but her love is different from mine. Isn't it?

I stare at the river as the water slowly drifts by, I should tell her, I just don't know if right now is a good time. "You gave me a lot to think about Sango. I have to make an important decision now." She takes my hand again and the familiarity is comforting. "Just know that nothing will change things between us or any of us for that matter. Friends are forever." I look away from her beautiful gaze. "Forever is a long time. It's not the same as a lifetime." I see her look up at the sky. "A lifetime isn't long enough, true friendship reaches far beyond this world." I like the way that sounded coming from her, she'll never realize that she has me hanging onto her every word. "How far do you think it reaches." Her eyes sparkle as she smiles brightly. "Farther than the heavens above." And in that moment she stole my heart, I no longer thought I loved her...I knew.

I haven't been home long but Sango's words are still fresh in my mind, she had broken down my resolve. I need to tell them everything...it's time to tell my friends that I'm dying. I hope I'm doing the right thing, please let Sango's words ring true.

***I hope this chapter is long enough. Please read and review to let me know what you think. Oh and a big THANK YOU to Heaven Sparkles for the kind review, it put a big smile on my face. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)


	5. Part 4: Coming Clean

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

Part 4: Coming Clean

I have been up for an hour now, still laying in my bed, I think about yesterday. Sango said a lot of things that hit close to home for me, I needed to know that things wouldn't change between us. Yes, I knew that they had a right to know, it wasn't something that would just go away...well in most cases anyway. In all fairness to them, I probably did doubt them too much. They wouldn't end our friendships because of it, but I know it will change things. I sit up and stare at the sky through my bedroom window. There is so much out there I will never get to experience, places I'll never get to see and days I'll never get to live through. I know that I am over thinking things and that my hope is running out, but I don't really think anyone would blame me. Blinking I turn away from the window and I reach for my cell phone. I stare at the item in my hand. Do I really want to do this? Turning the phone screen on I tap the text message icon, sending a text to all of them at once, will be easier than calling them all one by one. I type up the text, which reads, 'Hey. I really need to talk to you. It's important. Please come to my house at noon' I hit send and realize now that there is no turning back.

I get up and head downstairs, I already smell the breakfast my mom is making. I'm not hungry, but I'll eat because it will make her feel better. I walk into the kitchen and grab the cup she had placed on the table for me and I take a sip of its contents. "Morning." She continues to prepare whatever it is she is making. "Morning sweetheart. You slept in." I pull the chair away from the table and sit down. "I was really tired last night. Oh... I invited my friends over, I hope you don't mind." She scoops the omelet out onto a plate. "It's fine with me. Are you guys going to be doing something fun together?" She sits the plate down in front of me, I pick up the fork and take a bite. "I am actually going to tell them everything." She sits down opposite of me and places her hand softly on top of mine. "Are you nervous?" "Terrified." I take another bite, while my mom looks at me. "Are you sure you're ready to do this? I don't want you telling them just because, you know, I think you should." I blink. "I don't really know if I'm ready to tell them, but I know you're right. They have a right to know and I can't keep putting it off." She smiles. "You are an amazingly brave young man." I force a weak smile, I guess she doesn't realize how afraid I really am.

After breakfast I move to the livingroom, to watch a little tv before they arrive. Noon is only half an hour away and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it yet. I turn on the television set, even though I won't really watch it. It kills time, whether I'm paying attention or not. The time passes rather quickly. Isn't it funny how time is only slow when you truly want to do something, though at moments like these, when you really wish you could pause time, it's like life is on fast-forward? With only five minutes until twelve I turn the set off and wait for the inevitable. The knock at the door tells me that someone has arrived early, not that it surprises me much. I get up and cross the floor to the front door, I turn the knob and pull the door towards me. I look at the people standing on my front porch and see all of my friends there, that does surprise me. Inuyasha speaks first. "We got your text message. It really must be important if you wanted all of us here." I stare at them blankly for a moment. "Yeah, come on in. Um, I'd actually prefer if we did this outback...I feel more relaxed out there." I lead them to the patio that over looks my moms garden, where they sit in silence, patiently waiting for me to begin.

I stare at the rainbow of colors that the many flowers provide, while I try to gather my thoughts. "You all were right, I have been hiding something from you. It's pretty big too, not one of those pathetic secrets people hide. I guess I didn't want to reveal it because I was afraid or maybe selfish. I really don't know what I thought I could accomplish by not telling you guys the truth. It's not like I thought it would just go away because I didn't tell you or anyone else for that matter. Honestly I really don't even know how to say it. Do I sugar coat it or just blurt it out?" Sango rubs her hand down my back and pats me softly. "You do it however you want to." The others nod their heads in agreement with Sango. I absently run my fingers through my hair. "I guess I'll start by saying that it's very rare for someone my age to have it, unless it's hereditary, which it is. Seven months ago I was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer, I'm really sick. I know I should have told you sooner, but I really didn't want it to be real and I thought that if I talked about it that it would just become more real. I realize now, that it isn't going away and I need to face it. I'm sorry that I kept it hidden this long." I face my friends to see their reactions, most of them seemed too shocked to feel anything at all. So I sit quietly, looking back to the sea of color, while I let it sink in.

Koga is the first to break the silence. "How do you feel about this? Didn't you ever want someone to confide in?" Kagome talks next. "Were you scared? If you were, we could have been there for you." Sango taps my shoulder so I turn to her. "You could have told me. I could've been there with you every step of the way." I lower my head so my hair will hide my face. "How do I feel? I feel like I got dealt an unfair hand, one you can't really win with and you can't play until the end because every calls your bluff, so you have to fold and leave it unfinished. I had my mom to confide in, she's been my rock. Yeah, I was scared, I still am and I know you guys would have been there for me, but I didn't want you all to feel like you had to hold me up. I just wanted things to be like they always were, I didn't want you all to worry about me and I sure as hell didn't want to change things. Sango you were the one that I never wanted to tell, because I knew that if I did...I wouldn't stand a chance." I listen for her responce. "A chance at what, Miroku?" I sigh. "It doesn't matter anymore, because I lost my opportunity. You like someone else." She shakes me slightly, so I look up to meet her eyes. "Miroku, you idiot, that guy I like, is you and sick or not, I still like you. You're my best friend, you know everything about me and I trust you completely." I sit there trying to make sure I heard her right. "You like me...even though I'm dying?" She frowns. "I don't really like hearing you say you're dying, but even so you deserve to find the love of your life." She puts a lot of emphasis on the word, your.

I haven't heard from Inuyasha yet, so I look in his direction. He has a slightly angry look on his face and is staring out the screen at the rainbow of colors, I had been staring at only moments ago. "Hey, Yash, are you okay?" His gaze darts to me. "You've been my best friend since kindergarten and you never thought to tell me that you might die. What the hell, man?" I sigh, I knew this was going to be hard. "What would it have changed besides your actions towards me? You would have treated me differently and you know it. I had every right to decide to keep it a secret for a little while." He stands up. "Seven months isn't a little while, you've had over half a year to realize that it was better to tell us. You're more of a brother to me than Sesshomaru and you kept something like this from me, from us. Did you ever consider, for a second, that maybe we would be upset that you took so long to tell us this?" I look at the others, they don't make a sound. "You're the only one making a scene. I don't need this. Do you even know how scary it was for me to tell you this?" His glare softens. "Damnit Miroku." His frown disappears and is replaced by a sadness, I don't like. "You know I didn't mean to get angry...I'm not mad at all. I'm not good with emotions, feelings... things like that, but damn." I look down. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you all sooner, I really am, but I just didn't know what to say." Inuyasha sits back down and slowly shakes his head.

Kagome takes his hand and squeezes it reassuringly. "You two should just date already." Inuyasha looks at me, blushing slightly. "Don't go trying to change the subject." I shrug. "It was worth a shot." Koga sits there for a moment. "Since the mood isn't the best right now, we should go do something fun." I smile, maybe things won't change after all. Sango grins. "What do you have in mind, Koga?" He thinks for a second. "They put up the volleyball nets at the park, you girls love volleyball. How about we play a couple games?" Kagome's face brightens. "That sounds like fun. Lets go." Inuyasha smirks. "We're down a player. How about we invite Ayame?" Koga flushes. "She's probably busy, lets not bug her for a game of volleyball." Sango pulls her phone from her pocket. "I have her number, I'll ask her in a text." Koga sighs and accepts defeat. While we wait for Ayame's response a thought runs through my mind. I know that maybe this is all just a show to make me think things are the same, but forced or not, they are putting up an effort to make me feel like life is normal. Sango's text tone announces her received message. "She says she'll meet us at the park. So lets get going."

We arrive at the park to see Ayame waving to us, and calling out. "Hey! What took you guys so long?" She walks up to Koga and throws her volleyball at his chest. "Ow. What the heck was that for?" She grins mischieviously. "That was for not asking me to the spring formal yet." His face turns I light shade of red as he tosses the ball to Inuyasha. I stretch trying to relieve the tension in my shoulders, which has intensified since this morning. "So is it girls against boys or are we choosing teams?" Inuyasha shrugs. "Doesn't matter to me." Kagome jumps in. "I say girls against boys, it's fun to beat you guys." We make our way to the net and Inuyasha serves the ball...the game is on. The first game ended with a victory for myself and the guys and the second game ended with a victory for the girls. So we start a tie breaker round.

Breathing is becoming difficult for me now and the third game has just begun. I call a timeout and let myself drop to the ground and Inuyasha is the first to reach my side. "You okay, Miroku?" "I'm alright." My voice sounds weak, even to my own ears. "You don't sound okay. Do you wanna go home?" I frown. "No, you guys finish the game, I'll just watch from the bench." Kagome sighs. "We'll be up a player." Sango walks up beside me and helps me to my feet. "I'll sit out with him and make sure he doesn't get worse." "No you don't have to do that...don't stop playing on my account." She looks at me. "I want to, we can watch the game together...maybe talk a little bit." I smile. "Sounds good to me." We slowly make our way to the bench and the volleyball game restarts. "You going to be okay, Miroku?" "Yea, I'll be fine. I just needed to catch my breath." She takes my hand in hers. "Alright, just let me know if it gets harder to breathe." I guess she didn't know that her being around me, makes it harder to breathe, but it wasn't that bad when she took my breath away.

I know I said I was going to watch the game, but I honestly don't even know the score. It's not easy to focus on anything when I'm sitting next to her. "Sango... are you sure you want to give me a chance?" She looks at me with confusion on her features, I can tell she's trying to figure out what I'm talking about. I smile sadly. "Do you really want to risk falling in love with me." She looks at me with a thougthful expression. "I have a more important question for you. Do you really want to risk missing out on things you should experience because of your fears?" I blink, I had never thought of it that way. "I'm not missing out on things because I have any fears. Besides, I asked you a question first." She laughs quietly. "You are walking on the edge of being childish now, Miroku." I frown, she's right. "It's not that I fear anything, I just don't want to hurt people more than I already am." She takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "My mother can't even smile a real happy smile when she's around me, you guys will probably treat me like a fragile piece of glass. My life completely changed seven months ago, the plans I thought I had laid out, aren't within reach anymore. My world is falling to pieces and there is no way I can put it back together." She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

My eyes seem to be looking at something in the distance, but to me everything is just a blur. I blink, willing the tears to not fall, it appears that my will is breaking away. I feel her eyes on me and I wait, hoping she will say something...anything. "Miroku...you do know that it is okay to cry, right?" I shake my head slightly. "People always tell others that it's okay to cry, but for me, it's not. No, it doesn't make me feel weak, it just reminds me that my hope is fading away. Tears never make me feel any better, in fact, they make me feel worse." Her finger tucks under my chin, willing me to face her. My tear filled eyes meet her sparkling brown ones and my breath catches in my throat. "Miroku, you don't have to fight this alone, I am right here and I'll be here whenever you need me." I look down and inhale slowly, letting my gaze drift back up to her. Her eyes are closed, she is slowly moving towards me, her lips touch mine and in that moment, my world stopped crumbling.

Please read and review, I only have one review and that makes me rather sad. :( See there's the sad face. Sorry for any mistakes I may have missed, but I spell checked this at 4:30am. Once again please review, thanks.


	6. Part 5: Living With the Truth

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

Part 5: Living with the Truth.

She pulls away from me and I draw in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry that you feel so down, Miroku, but I'll do whatever it takes to make you a little bit happier." "You do that by just being with me, I like your company." She smiles and I realize now, that our friends are staring at us. Sango clears her throat and smiles brightly. "So, who won the game?" Ayame grins. "I don't think that even matters anymore, you were kissing quite passionately." I felt my cheeks grow warm as a blush tinted my face. Sango giggled. "You should all mind your own business." And for the first time in weeks, I felt normal.

All that happened a week ago, Spring formal was right around the corner and I still haven't found a date. I did have a girl in mind though, I will find the courage to ask her to be my date. I'm sure of it...well maybe. It's not as easy as it seems to ask a girl out, it takes a certain approach...and I'm pretty sure I'm lacking in that particular area. I'm good with writing a story...but women are a foreign concept to me. I tend to over think things...maybe I should just be bold and forget about perfection. I close my locker and head for homeroom and her.

I see her before she sees me. Sango has always looked like an angel to me, her smile so bright, and her eyes so deep. Did she see something in me, I myself couldn't see? Her focus lands on me and I find myself staring at the floor. "Hey Roku." I smile, "Hey Sango." She sits beside me. "How are you feeling today?" "Fine, it's been a good day so far." She smiles brightly, "Glad to hear it. I'd hate to see you in pain." I bite my lip nervously, "Sango...will you go to spring formal with me?" Her eyes widen with surprise. "Yes, Miroku, I'd love to." It worked. She actually said yes. Or did my ears only deceieve me?

The weeks had flown by rather quickly and now I have my mother fretting over my tie. "You look so handsome, Miroku." I smile nervously, "Do you think Sango will like it?" She brushes my bangs with her fingertips. "She'd have to be crazy not to." I look at my mother with sadness in my eyes. "But is this really the right thing for her...for me? Is falling in love good for me? I don't want to hurt her, that's not something I ever want to do." She takes my hand and holds it with a love only a real mother can possess. "Miroku, son, just because your circumstances are different than most people your age, does not mean you have no right to be normal. You are human and love is what makes a person whole. You should get to experience everything you possibly can. Don't hide, don't fear, don't hold back. Live each day to the fullest, like every day is your last."

My mother's words stuck with me as I walked Sango into the gym. It did feel right being with her, but knowing my fate made it feel wrong at the same time. She deserves much better than someone who wouldn't make it to see his twentieth birthday. But dammit, she looks so lovely tonight, her peach colored gown falling just right on every curve. Her voice breaks into my thoughts. "Miroku, let's dance. Okay?" "Alright." The song was slow and holding her this close is making my heart race.

As we share dance after dance, I begin to feel guilty. She looks happy to be with me, but does she know the risks in being with me. Maybe I should have kept my feelings for her a secret. I knew it was wrong to let my feelings drive my decisions. I didn't want her to fall for me and put her heart on the line, but at the same time, I don't want to leave her arms. It feels like I belong here, I'm safe here. Then it hits me, she's the one that's not safe. I am the danger. I'm a risk. I step back. "Sango...we need to talk. Can we go outside?"

We make our way outside, her hand in mine. She looks up at me, "What did you want to talk about, Miroku?" I sit down on the steps of the school's front entrance and wait for her to lower herself beside me. "Sango, we can't do this. It's not right. I'm dying and you have a full life ahead of you. I don't want to hurt you like that, ever. I know it all sounds silly, maybe it won't make sense to you. I promised myself that I would stay away from relationships, that I would be happy with just making friends. You deserve so much better, you should have a love that will last a lifetime. My life is already near it's end. I know people don't like hearing me say that, but I'm not a fool. I know my body. Sango we should just end this now. Okay?"

She looks at me with her deep dark eyes, the sound of her soft voice rings out calmly. "Wow, Miroku. You don't get it at all, do you? It's not about how much time you have left, it's about what you do with the time you have. You shouldn't waste what days you have left hiding because you have a fear of hurting people. I'm gonna miss you no matter what our relationship status is. You mean so much to me, you've been a big part of my life. I want to spend as much time with you as I can, because I don't want to throw away a single moment." My eyes grow wide, I didn't know she felt this way, she kept going. "I want to hold your hand at every single chance I get. I want to kiss you every time the mood strikes. I want to be the reason for your smile, hear your laugh, and enjoy everything I can. Stay with me and let me love you and love me for every hour you can. Please Miroku?"

I cannot believe I just heard her say such loving things, she understands me. That is what I wanted. How could she know me so well? "Sango. Are you sure that's what you want? Do you really want to give your heart to someone, who can only hold it for so long?" She smiled sadly. "Miroku, I'm sure. I want you to hold it until you take your final breath. I'll hold onto yours until my final breath." I look at her, my eyes serious. "If you want to be with me, you have to promise me something, it's important." She looks at me curiously. "What is it?" I look away, trying to gather my thoughts, perfectly. "You have to promise me, that if I die, you'll move on. You have to allow yourself to fall in love again, you have to have a family, and grow old. You need to smile, laugh, dream, and live on. Promise me, Sango."

She stares at me, wide eyed. "Miroku...I don't know what to say." I shake my head. "Say you promise." She takes my hand. "Okay, I promise." I start to feel a little bit better, knowing she would move and be okay, makes me feel at peace. Before I can even protest, I feel her lips slowly lower of mine. So soft and welcoming. I kiss back, I brush my fingers through her hair, placing them lightly on her cheeks. Her arms wrap around my neck, pulling me close. I feel a warmth spread through me and the things she does to my mind. It is spinning, my thoughts whirrling in a jumbled mess. How much time has gone by? I guess I really don't even care. She makes time stop with a single kiss, I feel like I could live forever, just like this.

We make our way back into the gym. I finally take in the decorations, nothing too extravagant. Fake ivy and flowers trailed the walls. White christmas lights draped from the ceiling, setting off a light glow, reflecting in her eyes. A table with a punch bowl, clear plastic cup, cookies, and finger food was against the back wall. A DJ played music from the corner of the stage, while teens scattered throughout the center of the gym, share a dance. Sango begin to pull me towards the dance floor. "Sango, I can't dance..." She smiles. "I'll teach you. Come on." "Okay." I follow her, slightly relunctant. "You'll have fun, I promise." I smile at the giddiness in her words, in her arms I was bound to have a good time.

The night ended about an hour ago, I drag myself to bed, completely spent. I didn't know I could have such a good time at a school dance. I smile at the memory of or group taking a break from the music and dancing. We sat on the front stoop and talked, it had seemed like they forgot about my illness. We laughed and talked like we used to. Maybe I thought wrong, maybe they wouldn't treat me different after all. I lay down and let myself drift off to sleep.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	7. Part 6: Becoming a Reality

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 6: Becoming A Reality**

The months pass and things stay uneventful and normal, but things are beginning to change. I'm in my third period of the day and I'm already completely tired. I try to ignore to dull ache and heavy pressure in my chest. I push aside the sickening feeling and kept working on my paper. "Miroku, you look pale." I look over at Inuyasha. "I do?" He nods. "Yeah man, you do. Are you feeling alright?" I smile. "I'll be fine." He shrugs. "If you're sure." He turns his attention back to his paper as I return back to mine.

As I walked to my next period with Inuyasha, I still feel off. I ignore the weak feeling that is over coming my body. I guess I'm sicker than I realized. I walk into math class and my knees begin to shake. I feel my legs give out and I drop to the floor. I start to cough, my breathing ragged. I hear Inuyasha. "Miroku, are you alright?" I notice the warm, stickiness in my hand. I look at my palm, my eyes widen as the color red comes to sight. "No, I'm not. Get me to the bathroom." Inuyasha helps me up and leads me to the bathroom. I rinse off my hands, cleaning my palms of the blood. Inuyasha looks away, trying to pretend that nothing was happening. "Let's go back to class, Yash." He looks at me with concern. "You should probably just go home." "I can't or people will notice. I'm fine."

We make our way back to class, my chest aching painfully. I refuse to leave, not after the scene I just made. Maybe no one even noticed me, I could only hope. Although my main concern wasn't the other students, it was Inuyasha. I can feel the tension between us, he had something to say, but he chose not to. I look over at him to find him looking at me with concern. "What?" He looks away. "Man that was scary. I've never seen anyone cough up blood before, but I know that's a bad sign. Are you in pain?" I smile easily. "I'm fine, nothing I can't handle. Just don't worry about me." "I'll try not to, but that won't be easy."

As I ran my second lap around the gym, I mentally kick myself for forgetting this class. I know I won't make it through this class and I can't think of an excuse to get myself out. I jog up to Koga. "I need to get out of here. Help." He shrugs. "Pretend to twist your ankle or something, then get up and limp. That's all I got, man." I frown, either way it goes, I have to make a scene. I know I'm not a very convincing actor, so I decide I have to push myself, and finish this class. It can't be that hard, it's just running laps.

Six laps in and I regret not taking Koga's advice. I find myself sitting on the floor, struggling to breathe. Several teens looking down on me and Koga shoving a water bottle into my hands. I try to take a drink, but choke. I taste the blood on my tongue. I cover my mouth coughing quickly, the crimson liquid oozing from between my fingers. I notice the look of horror on the other students faces, the gym teacher helps me up, and takes me to the office. The principle looks over. "What's going on?" She finally looks at me and her eyes widen. "What's going on here?!" I take a couple tissues to clean off my hands and mouth. "I'm fine now." She looks at me firmly. "You better start explaining yourself, Mr Hisashi." I grimace. "Yes ma'am. I'm sick...and I've been hiding it. I have cancer..."

She stares at me with disbelief. "Why are you still coming to school?" I sigh, "I wanted to live a normal life for as long as possible, but I think I may be reaching my limit. I didn't mean to cause a scene, I'm really sorry." The principle frowns. "You may want to consider staying home, what you have is serious." "I know, this will probably be my last week. I can go back to class now, I'll sit it out." She nods. "No more gym class, you will spend this class in the library for the rest of the week." She writes me a pass and gives it to me. "Thank you."

I walk back to the gym and a bunch of people surround me. "What just happened to you?" "Are you okay?" "Was that blood?" "Are you dying?" Koga walks up beside me. "No questions guys, he obviously doesn't feel like talking about it. So leave him alone. Now step aside so he can go sit down." The crowd breaks up and I sigh in relief. "Thanks, you just saved me from talking about that." He shrugs. "No problem man." I sit down and watch life keep going on around me as my life slows down. Thinking about everything that happened today, I decide that this really is my last week. I can no longer hide my symptoms and I'm too tired to pretend I am.

Sango walked beside me as we headed towards my house. "People were talking about what happened to you in gym class." I look over at her. "I figured they would, I didn't answer a single one of their questions. I know they're gonna spread some rumors about what they think I have." She takes my hand. "Are you still gonna be going to school?" I shake my head. "This will be my last week." I feel her squeeze my hand. "Things won't be the same with you gone. No more best friend. I'm gonna miss you." I smile. "You know where to find me. I'll be there every time." Is that a lie? I can only be there for so long. I look over at her again and I notice the sadness in her eyes. "Don't be sad Sango." "I can't help it, I don't know what I'll do without you. You've always been a part of my life, I thought it'd always stay that way."

Thinking about what she said, I realize that I thought the same thing. We had been friends for years, I thought her and I would always last. She would be my life long friend, but I couldn't be hers. I can't find that fair, I want to stay by her side, just like this. I need more time, a lot more time, but I can't get more. My fate is set, but I tighten my hold on her hand. Maybe if I hold on tight enough, I won't slip away. "Miroku, are you okay?" I snap back to reality. "Uh yeah, I was just thinking." "What about." I look away. "Life."

She and I reach my house and I unlock the door. "Is your mom home?" "No, she's at work. Let's watch a movie." She smiles. "Okay, sounds good to me, but I'm a little hungry." I think for a moment. "Candy and popcorn always go well with movie time." She walks into the kitchen. "Sounds like a plan." She grabs the popcorn and starts making it. "You got any gummy bears?" I chuckle. "You know my mom always keeps your favorite candy in here." I get her the gummy bears she always request. "What movie should we watch?" She thinks for a second. "Um, let's watch the _Halloween_ movies, you know I like the _Michael Myers_ slasher flicks." I smile brightly. "That's a lot of movies." The microwave beeps and she takes out the popcorn and puts it in a bowl. "I wanna watch every one of them and spend all those hours sitting beside you."

I wake up the next morning with a smile still on my face. The scent of her perfume still on my shirt. I remember every second of her in my arms, then the regret washes over me. I don't want to die and leave her behind, I want to stay with her. I get up and cross to my closet and pull out some close. Today is Friday and my final day of school. I pull on the dark and faded blue jeans and a forest green t-shirt. Then slide on my socks and shoes. I grab my bag, head out the door, and begin my walk to school.

"Hey bro." I turn around and see Inuyasha. "Hey Yash." He walks up beside me. "Sango tells me that this is the last time you're going to school." I smile weakly. "Yeah, I can't keep going after what happened yesterday." I continue to walk slowly. "You don't seem like you like your own decision." I frown. "I don't, I wanted to keep going." He pats my shoulder. "It's gonna be okay." I shake my head. "No it won't, I'm dying. Things will only get worse from now on." I see him flinch inwardly as the reality hit him.

After the longest school day and the worst was over, I come to the conclusion that I made the right decision. I couldn't face another day like that again. The questions were enough to drive a man with the patiences of a saint crazy. So I walk away from the school for the last time and never look back.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	8. Part 7: Growing Sicker

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 7: Growing Sicker**

It has been four weeks since I quit going to school and I have found myself with far too much time on my hands. I need to find a hobby, one that doesn't take too much effort. I would read, but I finished all the books I own and I'm all booked out. I guess I could take up gaming, but videogames is always more fun with friends. I sigh, boredom setting in. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I look outside and see my mom working on her garden. Gardening had never caught my interest before, but it is starting to look fun. So I get up and head outside. "Hey mom." Hey son. What are you doing outside?" I sit down beside her. "I'm bored, so I thought I'd come out here and help you with your gardening." She smiles. "You used to help me when you were little." "I did?" She nods. "You did. You have always been such a sweet boy."

I help by pulling a weed from her large garden. "Mom?" She looks over at me. "What?" I pull a couple more weeds. "Will you be okay without me?" Her hands freeze. "Miroku, let's not discuss this right now." I pull another weed. "If not now, then when? This is important to me." I look down at my hands to find them shaking. "Look at me, you can see what this is doing to me. I just want to know that you'll be okay." She sighs. "Okay Miroku, we'll talk about this. I doubt I'll be okay. You're my only child and you're all I have. This has always been painful for me, I hate to see you go through this." She drops her gardening tool and pulls me into a hug. "I wish I could trade places with you." I force myself to hold back the tears and I stay strong while my mother falls apart.

In the days following my talk with my mother, I start to notice all the effects of the cancer. Walking downstairs takes a lot of effort, so I move into the downstairs guest room. The chemotherapy even had it's downside, neutropenia, it slows my immune system. So if someone gets sick, I'm forced to wear one of those masks that cover my mouth and nose. It's a hassle, but I have to wear it, or a cold could be the death of me. The reality of all this has really proved that I could no longer be normal. I'm not like my friends at all anymore. In fact, I can barely keep up with them now. I miss how things used to be, I miss thinking that I would grow with them, I miss thinking that I would live to be old.

A knock at the door snaps me back to reality, I get up to answer it, and the door opens. "Hey bro, I brought my gamestation, let's whoop some alien butt." I chuckle, "Hey to you too, Yash." He puts his bag down. "Your mom told me that I'd have to move your tv into the downstairs guest room. Why'd you move into there?" I smile weakly, "It's hard for me to go up and down the stairs." He nods. "I understand. So I'll go move that tv." "Okay. Be careful though." He smirks. "I'm always careful. I'll be right back." He quickly climbs the stairs, leaving me in the empty living-room.

Inuyasha had managed to get the tv downstairs in one piece and now we are playing _Halo Reach_ on a team. Inuyasha has always been better at gaming than I have and he was leading our team with the most kills. I, on the other hand, am at the bottom, getting people on their mics calling me a 'noob'. "Yash...I suck at this." He chuckles. "I noticed, but you're getting better. Just keep trying." I get killed again and look over at Inuyasha. That was my twenty-seventh death..." He just laughs. "It's okay, I'm still having fun. Are you?" I think about it. "Yeah, I am. Who cares if I suck?" Inuyasha kills two other players. "I don't. The other players can just deal." He mutes all their mics and gets back to the game.

"Boom, take that." I chuckle at him, he gets so into the game. Me, well, I've been killed...again. Although, I have gotten better at it. I actually have twenty kills, that's in the double digits. "Headshot sucker!" I laugh. "You really get into this." He nods. "Of course. I'm owning these guys." I get another kill. "But how many of the players are twelve?" He smirks. "The ones you've killed are twelve." I fake a scowl. "Not nice man, I thought I was getting better." He laughs. "You are, the twelve year olds used to be able to kill you." "That's cold, Yash." But I can't help but smile.

We had laid down a couple hours ago, Inuyasha was sound asleep in his sleeping-bag on the floor. I lay in bed unable to quiet my thoughts, which isn't anything new. I feel off for some reason, I've learned to trust my gut feelings. I sit up and gasp for breath as a wave of pain hits me. I lay back down, curling up tightly. I try to speak out. "Yash...wake...up." He doesn't hear me and the pain starts making me shake. "Yash." I clutch the blankets tightly in my fists. "Yash." He stirs slightly, then mumbles back with a sleepy voice. "What Miroku?" I gasp for breath. "Get my mom." My voice sounded strained, even to my own ears, he sits up quickly. "I can't breathe...it hurts." His eyes widen in fear and he quickly darts out of the room.

Things seem to be moving in slow motion for me, it feels as though I'm fading. Where is everyone? I hear voices coming closer, but they're so slow. What are they saying? I look up to see my mom, she seems to be talking frantically with someone on the phone. Inuyasha nervously paces my room, fidgeting anxiously. My mom hangs up the phone, her voice slow and distant tries to comfort me. "The medics are on the way sweetie, just hang on. Okay?" I blink, waiting for her words to reach me. I nod, still clinging to the blankets, the pain making it impossible to breathe.

After what seemed like an eternity for me, the paramedics rush in. The movement they cause hurt but they start helping me breathe. "How long has he been feeling this way." Inuyasha answers in a tight voice. "Maybe a little over ten minutes." He seems so worried and possibly a little sad. For the first time that night, I realize my mom is holding my hand. Her voice rings out so softly. "Inuyasha I want you to ride in the ambulance with Miroku, I'll follow in my car. Can you do that for me?" I hear him answer. "Yeah, I can do that." The medics move me onto a stretcher with quick practiced motions. "The color is returning to his face and lips. I think we have him stabilized." I close my eyes for a moment, while they get me into the ambulance.

I slowly open my eyes, once I feel the vehicle start to move. I notice Inuyasha sitting on a bench beside me and a medic opposite of him. He awkwardly takes my hand, Inuyasha has never been good at showing his affection. It was weird, I can admit, guys aren't usually touchy feely. Although feeling the touch of someone, proves to me that I'm still alive...for now. I feel myself starting to drift off, so I allow myself to close my eyes again and let sleep claim me.

I wake up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed, then I remember the occurances of last night. I'm in the hospital. I take in my surroundings and see my mother and Inuyasha sleeping in chairs on either side of my bed. I sit up, wincing slightly, last night really took it's toll on my body. "Mom? Inuyasha?" Inuyasha stirs to wakefulness and looks over at me. "Hey, you're up." I smile weakly. "Yeah, I feel quite a bit better today." He looks away, trying to avoid eye contact. "That was really scary, you were pale and your lips were blue. I thought we were losing you." I shake my head slowly. "I thought I was dying too, but I'm still here, so let it go." I see his shoulders twitch in reaction to my words, but I can't see his face. "Yeah...okay."

"Miroku, you're up. How are you feeling sweetheart?" I turn to the voice and look at my mom. "Yes, I'm feeling much better now. Still sore but I can breathe." I hear Inuyasha scoff. "That's because you have oxygen tubes, helping you." I look at the clear tube that runs from my face to an oxygen machine. He stands up and walks towards the door. "I'm gonna call the others and tell them you're here." I start to stop him, but decide to let him go. After he leaves, I look over at my mom. "I think last night has Inuyasha upset." She frowns. "Of course it did, he wouldn't leave your side. He seemed so panicked." I look away, eyes sad. "I didn't think it'd have such an effect on him."

The door swings open and Keade walks in. "How are you feeling, dear?" I smile. "Quite a bit better." She injects another painkiller into my I.V. "I bet, at least you can breathe now." She smiles, as a strand of gray hair escapes her bun, her eyes crinkle at the corners. "Although I don't like seeing you in here, I like seeing you. It's not often I get such an amazing patient." She fluffs my pillow and adjusts my bed. "Lean back and relax, dear and you'll start to feel better in no time." I lean back. "Thank you, Keade, I hope you're right." "You'll see dear, I am right."

After half an hour of comfortable silence with my mom, my friends all enter the room. I smile while they all greet me. "Hey everyone." Sango walks over to my bed and sits down beside me. "I can't believe what happened. Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm a little tired and sore, but I'm alright." I look up to see Inuyasha standing in the far corner, staring out the window. "I'm glad you're alright, when Inuyasha told me what happened, I was so worried. To see you awake was a relief." I smile faintly. I am not used to this much attention. The door swinging open, draws their eyes away from me as Dr. Taisho walks into the room. He is staring at the clipboard in his hand, unaware of the people in the room.

Inuyasha's eyes widen and grow angry. "Dad?!" He looks up in surprise. "Oh, Inuyasha. You're here?" He scowls. "Yeah I am. You're Miroku's doctor?!" His father remains calm. "Yes son, I am." Inuyasha's eyes flash with a quiet rage. "And you didn't think you should tell me that my best friend had cancer?! What the hell kind of crap is that?!" Dr. Taisho gave a silent warning with a glare. "This is a hospital, Inuyasha, you need to lower your voice. And before you get mad at me, your friend asked me to keep it quiet. I am under a patient confidentiality, I can't talk about my patients cases, even if my family knows them." Inuyasha seems to growl as he storms out of the room.

Dr. Taisho looks at me. "I apologize for the scene Inuyasha just caused." I smile sadly. "It's okay, last night really upset him. He's not taking the news so well." He turns back to his charts. "Can those of you, but his mom step out?" The others leave for a moment and he continues. "We're gonna keep you here for a while and run some tests, keep you under observation." My mom looks up at him. "Can we speak in the hall?" He starts to respond, but I interrupt. "How long do I have left?" The room grows completely silent. "Are you sure you want to know?" I nod. "Yes." He frowns. "If you continue with the treatments, you will probably have six to eight months." His words hit me like a ton of bricks. In that moment everything seems so real, I really am dying.

After being in the hospital for over a week, I'm finally alone. I sent my mom down to the cafeteria, she needed to eat and I need to think. Most of my thoughts are about Inuyasha, he hasn't come by since that first day. Sango came every day, I have seen Koga, Kagome, Ayame, and even Sesshomaru, but no Inuyasha. I start to wonder why he could be so upset, so I think back to all times we've just chilled together. All the promises and jokes. The laughs and fights. We had been through a lot together. I was there when his mom died, he was there when my dad died. We had always been there for each other. Like brothers...and he was losing me too. I sigh sadly and try to fall asleep. I could leave tomorrow, maybe I could really figure out what has Inuyasha so upset. There has to be something deeper to his anger.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	9. Part 8: Going Home

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 8: Going Home**

I sit up as Keade removes the I.V from my hand. "You get to go home in a few minutes, your mother is signing the release forms." I smile. "I'm ready to go home, I miss being home." She checks my charts and frowns slightly. "Dr Taisho will be coming in to speak with you." "Okay." I lean back against the pillows to wait, maybe I can ask him about Inuyasha. "Hello Miroku." I look up quickly, slightly startled. "Oh, hey Dr Taisho." He puts his clipboard down. "You know that you're more than a patient to me. You're like an adopted son and I feel I should tell you that you would get better care staying here. Your mother agrees." I nod. "I know, but if I can be home, that's where I want to be. Is Inuyasha angry with me?" He smiles softly. "He's asked me about you every day. I just think he's trying to hide how he feels. I'm sure you'll be seeing him soon."

My mom walks into the room. "You've been signed out, we can go." She give Dr. Taisho a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for being so good to my son and helping me pay for his treatments." He smiles at her, something brightening his eyes. Love, that's what it is. "I couldn't let you do this alone, you need support too." Yeah, my mother would be okay. "Thanks again, for everything." She makes me sit down in a wheelchair and pushes me towards the door. "Bye." He picks up his charts. "Call me if you need anything, anything at all. Bye."

I have been home for two days and still no sign of Inuyasha. Koga has been really nice to me though, he left not too long ago. Now I now how to play a guitar...well slightly anyway. Sango comes by often enough, but she's been trying to wait on me hand and foot. It's nice of her and all, but it can be rather annoying. "Here's your water, Roku." I force a smile. "Thanks, but I could have gotten that myself." She pushes the cup into my hand. "I know, but I thought I could help you. You still need to take it easy." I chuckle. "I took it easy for over a week, I'm fine now." She rolls her eyes. "Just hush up and drink your water." I take a sip and lean back, turning my attention to my phone. I text Inuyasha asking him what he's been up to, but my text goes unanswered.

I stand up. "I'm getting kinda hungry." Sango tries to get me to sit back down by tugging on my hand. "Just sit, I can make you something. What do you want?" I sigh. "Sango...I want you to stop fussing over me. I can fix a sandwich, I am capable of that much." She looks away from me. "I only wanted to help." "I know, but you don't have to do everything for me." I walk to the kitchen, with her right behind me. "Have you heard from Inuyasha." She shakes her head. "Nope, he's been distant, even at school." I open the fridge and grab what I need for a sandwich. "Do you want one?" "Sure."

We sit at the table, sharing a lunch. "So Inuyasha hasn't spoken to you since you went to the hospital?" I shake my head yes. "I guess he doesn't want speak to me anymore. Maybe I lost my best friend...male best friend." She smiles. "Nice save. Though I don't think Inuyasha will stop talking to you, you've always been friends." Her phone goes off and she reads a text. "It's my mom, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay?" "Alright, bye Sango." She gives me a hug and a soft kiss. "I love you." I smile slightly. "I love you too." She walks out the back door, leaving me to my thoughts.

After a couple more days of the girls fussing over me and Inuyasha avoiding me, I'm finally alone. I try to call Inuyasha, but he doesn't answer. I sit my phone down and turn on the tv, flipping through the channels. I can't seem to sit still, I turn the television off. Why do I even care if my best friend is ignoring me? People drift apart with friends all the time. I can't force him to talk to me. I lay back on the couch, exhaling quickly. Oh, who am I kidding? I do care that I'm losing a good friend. I sit up, get off the couch, and head for the door. I swing it open and jump, startled. "Inuyasha?" He scratches the back of his head. "Hey. Is this a bad time? Were you leaving?" "Uh, no. I was gonna sit on the porch." He sits down on one of the rocking chairs and I take a seat in the other.

He rubs his hand down his face. "I need to talk to you." I shrug. "Well, now's your chance. Although I've tried getting a hold of you, but you ignored me. Remember?" He frowns. "I know. I'm...sorry. I've had a lot on my mind. I thought I could handle this, that I could pretend like everything is the same." I smile sadly. "So things are a little different." He makes a noise in protest. "A little different? Are you crazy? Everything we planned has changed. We can't go to college together and join a fraternity. We can't be each others best man at our weddings. Everything we thought would happen won't. This wasn't supposed to happen." I get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Inuyasha, you can still live your life. You'll be fine." He runs his finger through his long hair. "I know that, but it isn't fair. You were supposed to have that life too. We planned it all out, this was not part of the plan. Why you?" I grow quiet, thinking about it. "Why anyone? No one knows why someone gets cancer, sometimes it just happens. It's never part of the plan, you can't plan death. Our plans are gonna have to change, you know it as well as I do. I hope we can stay friends though." He looks at me like I'm stupid. "What the hell are you going on about?! Of course we're still friends. More than friends, we are brothers." I smile. "For a while there I thought you weren't gonna speak to me at all anymore." "Again, I'm sorry. I just needed to adjust to things. Do you know how long you have?" I look away.

Should I really tell anyone how long I have left? "No, I don't want to know." He looks confused. "Really? Well, that's your choice. Is there anything you want to do before...well you know?" I shake my head. "No, I just want to spend my time with the people I care about. There's nothing else that matters." He looks out into the yard. "We should go do something fun." I look over at him. "Like what?" He starts to think and so do I. I really hope he doesn't think of something that requires too much movement. Though I know I would try anything, because I want to be able to keep up. He looks up. "I know, lets go down to the river and fish like we used to." I smile brightly. "I can handle that."

We sit by the river, lines cast, and quietly thinking. "I don't know why we fish here, we've never caught a fish." I look up at him and smile. "It's always been where we fish, this is where we'd have our competitions. We would see who could catch the most fish." He laughs. "Yeah, but it always ended in a draw, because we've never caught a damn thing in this river. I think it's fishless." I shrug. "Who cares if it is? We never left here bored, empty handed, yes, bored, no." "True enough, but I really wanted to win our fifty dollar bet." I lean back against a tree getting comfortable. "It's still on the line, ya know?" He looks over at me, eyes squinted slightly. "Oh, it's on."

I, now, find myself laying in bed. No one won today either, same old, same old. I still had a good time though, we haven't done that in years. It was nice to get out and spend time with a good friend. I should have known he'd never stay mad, nothing breaks up true friendship. I guess I should be happy about that, maybe the whole world won't remember me, but I have true friends that will never forget. And...yeah. That's good enough for me.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	10. Part 9: Sango's Suggestion

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 9: Sango's Suggestion**

It is nine o'clock in the morning and boredom is settling in. It's moments like this when I realize that I am being left behind. My friend's lives are still moving forward and I'm stuck right here. When do I get to live? Why does my life never truly get to start? I guess it's true, what they say, life isn't fair. Sometimes I question why I was even born, when such a short life is my fate. I even wonder what I did to deserve it. Deep down I know that bad things happen to good people, but it just doesn't seem right to me. It does seem like a punishment of the worst kind. What would I have become if I lived to be older than twenty. I know that I'll never know that either, but I like to question myself anyway. I like to dream about what things would have been like.

Leaning back into my pillows, I feel that empty, hopeless feeling return to me. It always seems to hit me at moments like these. I really don't know what is causing me to feel this way. It's almost like being dragged into the darkest corners of my own heart and not being able to find the light. I literally get lost in myself, I don't know who I really am, and I'll never age enough to find out. I can only watch those around me blossom into the amazing people they were born to be. What is my purpose for being here? Do I even have one? I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I realize now that the very thought of being left behind has me utterly depressed.

I stare up at the ceiling, willing no more tears to fall. Why have I allowed myself to fall this far into despair? How have I not noticed my true feelings? Am I really that numb to my own hearts unresponsive behavior? Sitting up, I force myself out of bed, and out into the kitchen. The smell of waffles and syrup tells me that my mother had been in here at one point. I look out the window to find her gardening and at the table sits, my now cold, breakfast. I am only able to eat a few bites, then the queasy feeling has me putting down my fork. Nothing in my life will ever be normal and that's a fact I'll have to accept.

After what seems like days of silence, I hear my front door open, and the voices of my friends breaks the deafening silence. They walk into my living room talking and laughing and I find myself unable to even greet them. "Holy crap man, you look like hell." I look up at Koga, my expression blank, unaware of how awful I really did look. At that moment, it did not occur to me, that I hadn't showered, brushed my hair, or even changed from my sleep wear. "I do?" Inuyasha looks down at me, his eyebrow cocked in question. "You staying in today or something?" I look down at my clothes and run my fingers through my sleep mused hair. "I hadn't made any plans for today...no." I look back up at them to find them staring.

I look back, my gaze unwavering. "What?" Sango sits down beside me. "Are you feeling okay today?" And with that question so many responses ran through my mind, none of which I would ever say out loud. That won't understand how terrified I am, they wouldn't be able to comprehend my anger, fathom my depression...they wouldn't get it at all. So instead I fake a convincing smile. "I'm fine, just tired." No matter how much they know about my physical condition, my emotional state will remain hidden. Though looking at my friends and their skeptical stares, I realize that in some way, they don't believe me at all.

Inuyasha lightly punches my arm. "You seem sad." I smile again. "I really am fine, honest." "Then get off the couch and go get cleaned up. We're going to the arcade." I look up at him, blinking in confusion. "We are?" He yanks me off the couch. "Yes and we includes you. Now go get ready, we'll be waiting." I try to get myself hyped up or at least slightly interested in the idea of going out, but I lack the energy to do so. "Okay." I walk into my new room and push myself into getting ready, I have to seem like I am fine. I return to the others dressed in my usual style, jeans and a t-shirt, hair brushed and pulled back into a small ponytail.

The arcade is loud and crowded, although neither of those facts surprise me. I take in my surroundings, the people laughing, joking, smiling...living. Then I feel it, jealousy, I'm truly jealous of the strangers around me. They do not realize how lucky they are. Some of them will throw their lives away, while I will never get the chances they pass by. I begin to frown angrily. "Miroku, wanna play some skeeball?" I look up. "Huh?" Inuyasha rolls his eyes. "For the sixth time. Do you want to play skeeball?" Did he really ask six times? "Uh, sure."

As Inuyasha beats me at skeeball, for the third time, I find myself smiling. Just being with my friends makes me forget I'm even sick. I should quick complaining so much and spend every second I can with those who care about me. Then the sinking feeling returns, I don't have that much time left, I will be dead within a few months. "Miroku? Earth to Miroku? Hello. Damn man, snap out of it." I look over at him. "What are you yelling at me for?" He frowns. "Are you seriously asking me that? That's the second time you zoned out today." I smile. "I just have a lot on my mind, I'm sorry." He shrugs. "You wanna go play some other game." I stretch. "Air hockey. Loser buys the drink." He grins. "Oh, you're on."

I actually win the air hockey game, but I'm pretty sure he let me win, just to feed my ego. "Looks like I owe you one drink." I smile. "Good because I'm pretty thirsty." I feel hands come over my eyes, creating darkness. "Guess who?" I recognize her voice instantly. "It's Sango." I feel her kiss my cheek, her hands move away. "How'd you know?" "I know your voice anywhere." Inuyasha offers me a chilled green tea. "Thanks." "You won that fair and square." I roll my eyes. "I know you let me win, I'm no fool." He chuckles. "I would never let someone win, honest." I take a drink of my tea and taste the sweetness of honey. "Okay, if you say so." Inuyasha smirks. "Besides, I'll beat you at a game of pool and then I'll be better than you again."

Inuyasha blinks, slightly annoyed as I used a bank shot to sink the eight ball in the corner pocket. This game didn't drain me as much as the other did, this was a game of skill. I smile, "This time I won on my own merits alone." He gets that gleam in his eyes, the one that screamed challenge accepted. "I demand a rematch. I will beat you. This time I break." I agreed to his demands and stepped back. "Rack 'em up." I beat him three more times before he finally beat me, but he seemed satisfied enough with that win to finally let me go home.

It was just Sango and I now, she decided to stay the night at my place and crash in my old room. "Miroku...do you ever feel cheated?" I look over at her. "What does that have to do with anything?" She takes my hand in hers. "You seemed distant today, at times. I just wanted to see what was on your mind." In many ways, I don't want my friends to know how I truly feel inside, to be honest, my true thoughts scare even me. "I've just been tired, it's a simple as that." She accepts my answer as the truth. "I've had something on my mind for a few days, Miroku." I give her a perplexed look. "You gonna tell me what it is?" She looks at me, her eyes soft. "Mmhm, Miroku...I was wondering if you'd marry me?" My eyes widen in shock and I lose the ability to speak.

Her eyes are still on me. "Let me explain why I'm asking, before you respond." I find myself relaxing. "I want to be with you every day I can, I want to have your last name, I want to spend the rest of your life being your wife." I swallow nervously. "Sango...I don't know what to stay to that." She smiles brightly. "You don't have to answer the question right now, you can think it over and get back to me with the answer." I smile slightly. "Okay. I'll think it over." We finally get to my house and she goes upstairs to shower, yawning while climbing the steps.

I once again find myself laying in bed with only my thoughts and they immediately drift to her. I don't know what I'm going to say to her. Do I say yes, even though there's no future with me? Or do I say no and spare her further heartache? I don't understand why she has to ask such things of me. I have enough things on my mind to keep me stressed as is. It's not easy being sixteen and dying, it's not like I need to be worried about such things. Does she realize that I have enough hard decisions to make as it is? I have to make plans for my own funeral and I'm still a teen. They don't realize that while they're choosing the car they want to drive, I'm picking my coffin. That's the reality of it and I don't know if marriage is in my plans.

I allow myself to toss and turn for a moment, until I find a comfortable position. I wince at the slightly painful discomfort that the movement causes. Why can't she just forget about me? I love her, I always have, but at times I wish she didn't feel the same way. It would have made dying that much easier. I should have known that falling in love would make me cling to life and resent dying. I just want the things my friends would someday have. Why was I dealt this hand in life? I close my eyes, trying to stop the depressing questions before they flooded my mind. With determination, I close my eyes, and force myself to fall asleep.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	11. Part 10: A Wedding?

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 10: A Wedding?**

I wake up the next morning to someone poking my shoulder in an annoying manner. "Wake up Miroku." I offer a sleepy grumble in response. "Wake up or be prepared for a moment of shocking cold." I pull the blankets over my head. "You can't dump ice water on me, Sango, my immune system is weak and a simple cold could really do some damage." I hear her sigh in an exasperated manner. "That's not fair Miroku." I yawn. "Life isn't fair. I'm tired." She pulls the blanket up. "It's twelve in the afternoon. How can you still be tired?" I look up at her. "I don't know, I just am." She opens the curtains, letting in the bright light of the sun, and nearly blinds me. "Well, start waking up. We have stuff to discuss." I slowly open one eye, after reflexively shutting them tightly due to the suns blinding glare. "What stuff?"

She smiles excitedly. "So I was thinking we should use pink, white, and yellow flowers." With my mind still hazy from sleep, I begin to get confused. "Flowers? For what?" She giggles as though I said something funny. "For the service, silly?" I lift an eyebrow. "My funeral service." She shakes her head. "No, we're not discussing that. So the girls will wear pink, with pearls...and the guys black and yellow. We need a color scheme." I sit up. "A color scheme for what?" She gives me her 'you can't be serious' look. "Our wedding." The events from last night come rushing back. "Woah, slow down. Just wait a second. I'm not even sure this marriage thing is a good idea. Don't start making plans." The hurt in her eyes has me explaining what I mean.

"Look, Sango, I really care about you. A lot. Some might call it love...and that's why this is too hard. We shouldn't even be together. I'm dying and you have so much ahead of you. So much promise, happiness, and love...I'm only holding you back. I can't do this. You need to go. This just isn't working. It was a mistake. I think we should end this now, before you get hurt." The excitement fades from her eyes and tears replace it. What have I done? "I don't think of this as a mistake, I can't believe you'd say such a thing. I only wanted to love you. Is that really such a bad thing? Don't answer that. If you want me out of your life...I'll go. I don't want to, but I will. Just know, Miroku, that loving isn't a mistake. Asking me to leave was." She runs from the room, tears streaming down her face, leaving me with a breaking and confused heart.

Hours have passed since she left me hoping I made the right decision. In my process of trying not to hurt her, I hurt her. I had made a mistake, I should have never told her how I felt. Then she wouldn't be hurting right now. I had been selfish that day, trying to have what I knew I couldn't. This is what I deserve. I do deserve to be sitting here with a heavy heart and an empty feeling. I don't know what I'm going to do to fix things. Will I really never get to see her again before I die? I didn't want her completely out of my life, I just wanted her to stop loving me. Though maybe things aren't that simple, important things in life are never simple. My whole damn existance isn't simple. Nothing in my life has come easy. Why would love be any different? I should call her and apologize for being a jerk.

Then like a sign from a higher power, I feel a sharp pain in my chest. Those pains are my reminder that I am not an average person and that I have a very serious illness. If I apologize, she'll want to continue dating and in all honesty to myself, I'm not sure if that's what I even want. Who am I to hurt her anymore than I already have? I don't have that right, I never did. I don't even want that right. She is the most important person to me and I've hurt her so much already. I made her cry and it hurts more than dying does. In a way it killed me to know that I had been the cause of her tears. In the long run, I hope that moment makes my death less painful to her. Maybe she'll be so angry with me that she won't even come to my funeral, she won't cry, and all because I made her hate me. Which is what I wanted. Right? If it is...than why am I crying?

My thoughts keep me from noticing her enter my room. She clears her throat and I jump. Looking up I see her kind face and her brown eyes full of concern. "Kagome?" She smiles softly. "You really upset her, you know? She kept me on the for an hour while being in tears. Why did you break up with her Miroku? You love her, she loves you. Why fight it? Why pretend you don't want to be with her?" I look down. "It's not that easy. I want to be with her but I just can't." She rocks back on her heels, then slowly sits down beside me on my bed. "Miroku, you don't need to let life pass you by. She's giving you a chance at something you should experience. Why won't you just let yourself love?" She looks me right in the eyes and allows her question to sink in.

I let a sigh escape my mouth. "You make everything sound so easy, but it really isn't. Everything is different for me, my time is shorter. I have to think ahead, put into consideration other's feelings, figure out all the pros and cons. I see what others don't because I have to. I know what will happen when I die. I'll leave her behind to pick up the pieces of her life after I'm gone. I just don't want to hurt her in that manner." Her hand covers mine. "Didn't you say you wouldn't to be treated like everyone else? That you wanted a normal life? You shouldn't be stopping yourself from having what others have." I let my shoulders drop. "I know, but I know my limits. I know when my trying to be normal turns to selfishness. Who am I to promise my life to someone, when my life is fading?" She frowns sadly. "Oh Miroku. Short, fading, whatever it is, your life is still important and so are your feelings.

"Is it really? What am I leaving behind? I didn't graduate, get my drivers license, I won't go to college, get a career, buy a house, get married, or have a family. I'll live my whole life and I won't leave behind a single thing. Where is the mark I will make on the world?" She shakes her head, a look of pure disbelief on her face. "That's not what makes you important, Miroku. You're thinking too big. Who cares if the whole world remembers someone? The mark you leave will be on the hearts of all who loved you. Don't you get that? Your mark will be on Sango's heart, that's why you should love her while you can. It's that simple." I feel my eyes widen, she is right, I have been so foolish. I just pushed away the best thing that had ever happened to me. Her love is what my life is about and I let it go.

"Kagome, I've been such a fool. I chased her away and I never wanted her to leave. What do I do now?" She smiles brightly. "You get off your butt, go buy her some flowers, then you go to her and tell her you were wrong." I look down. "What if she came to her senses and realized she really is better off without me? What if she doesn't take me back?" She gets up and pulls me off the bed. "Don't question it so much. Just believe that she'll take you back, because she will. She loves you and she never wanted to leave you. So go to her, stop wasting time talking to me." I give her a tight hug. "It wasn't a waste of time talking to you, you helped me figure out what I truly wanted this whole time. Thank you, Kagome. Oh and you should take your own advice. Stop wasting your time talking to me and go tell Inuyasha how you really feel." I watch her blush, then turn and rush out of my room.

I am now standing on her porch, knocking on her door, and it swings open. I find myself staring down at her little brother, Kohaku. "Are you the guy my sister is crying over?" I nod. "I made an awful mistake and I need to talk to her." He crosses his arms over his chest. "You think I'm just gonna let you in so you can upset her more?" I like this kids protective nature. "I'm not here to hurt her, I came to apologize." He looks at me skeptically. "You promise you'll never make her cry again?" I frown sadly. "I don't think I can promise that." His eyes flash with anger. "Then you can't come in." Then he slams the door in my face. I guess Sango failed to tell him that I was dying and I can't say I'm not amused by his actions. He only did what any sibling would do to keep his sister from getting hurt, but I knock again anyway.

The door opens again, this time I see Sango and Kohaku. "Why did you slam the door in his face Kohaku?" He frowns at me. "He said that he might make you cry again." She smiles warmly. "I don't think he meant it like you think he did, he has cancer Kohaku." His eyes widen in shock. "Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry for slamming the door in your face. It was rude." I smile. "It's okay, I thought you knew. I understood that you were only protecting your sister." He walks away, looking guilty. Sango opens the door even wider. "Why don't you come in and sit down. You look drained." I step into her house. "Thanks. I am pretty tired." She leads me to the couch and I sit down. "We need to talk Sango." She nods in agreement. "Yes, we do."

I take her hand softly in mine and I catch myself staring at our fingers locked together. He skin had a tone to it, my hand was pale and cold in hers. I smile sadly then look up at her face. "Sango, I don't want to get married, but I still want you in my life. Don't walk out on me now." She squeezes my hands softly. "Why don't you want to get married?" I look away from her. "If we were to get married, all my debts would be put on you. I couldn't get better medical insurance because of my illness and I can't get life insurance either. If you were to marry me, the only thing you would get is a lifetime of bills. Let's just date, being your boyfriend is enough for me. Is being my girlfriend enough for you?" She doesn't respond, instead I feel her other hand lightly grip my chin. She makes me face her and her mouth crushes mine in a passionate kiss. It is the only answer I need and it tells me everything I needed to know.

She pulls back and she begins to look concerned. "You're trembling. I'm gonna call your mom, you're staying here tonight. Okay?" I think about protesting, but I know that the walk home could tire me out completely. "Alright, I'll stay. Where will I be sleeping?" She picks up the phone. "I'll pull out the sofa's bed, you can sleep down here." I her the button's tones as she dials. I sit and listen to her speak to my mother as she explains why I'm staying. I can't hear my mom's response, but whatever she says has the concern look return to Sango's face. "Yes, of course I'll call if anything happens. Is there anything I should watch for?" She listens for a moment, her eyes intense. "So you're bringing his pain medicine? You could just pick him up if you want." I watch her and notice a gleam in her eyes, the one that only comes when she has an idea. "Mrs Hisashi, I want to move in and help you with Miroku." I feel my eyes widen.

After hours of talking things through with my mom and Sango's parents, I was sitting in the front seat of my mom's car. Sango sits in the back, her bags beside her. I couldn't believe her parents let her go, but she was moving in with us. In some ways I'm happy, I'll have that much more time with her. We can spend the nights, just staying up late talking. I am truly looking forward to that.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	12. Part 11: The Passing of Time

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 11: The Passing of Time**

It has been four months since Sango moved in and we have grown really close. I should probably fill you in on some of the things that happened since then. Inuyasha and Kagome started dating and are very happy. Koga and Ayame have been together for over three months, I think they may have started their relationship right after the dance. Sango and I are still going strong, but I have become weak physically. In some ways I have begin to feel quite bitter. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this wheelchair. I guess I should count my blessings, at least I'm not confined to a room in the hospital yet. It's time to get out and about, I'm gonna go enjoy this lovely autumn weather. I push the lever on my chairs arm rest and begin my roll to the front door. Inuyasha had texted me not too long ago, asking me to meet him at the park.

The park isn't too far from my house, so it only takes me five minutes to get there. I'm feeling pretty good at this point, my lap covered with a throw blanket, and a baggy hoodie keeping me warm. A smile is on my face, I look up to see Inuyasha and Koga playing ball. Inuyasha shoots the ball into the basket with one hand at a sideways angle. "Let's see you make that shot or you get an 'H'." Koga laughs. "Piece of cake." Koga easily makes the shot as well and Inuyasha finally notices me. "Hey Miroku!" I wave, then roll up to them. "Hey. What's going on?" Koga smiles. "We're playing a friendly game of horse. Think you can shoot a couple hoops?" I shake my head no. "I can't really get out of this chair, so I can't copy many shots at all. I'll watch you two play." Inuyasha shrugs. "Suit yourself, man." They continue with their game.

While sitting on the sidelines, I notice a nagging feeling at the pit of my stomach. It finally occurs to me that I can no longer keep up with Inuyasha. Watching them move quickly now in a one on one game, I feel so weak. Inuyasha hits the ball off the backboard and into the basket. "Score. Four more points and I win." Koga smirks. "Two for me and the ball is mine." Koga has always been better at basketball than Inuyasha, but Inuyasha always swore he'd beat him one day. Though watching Koga, skillfully dribble the ball while moving at fast speeds, I don't think today will be any different. Inuyasha tries to steal the ball, but Koga makes his shot, and it's nothing but net. "Point and game. I win." Inuyasha frowns. "I demand a rematch, because you cheated somehow. Ain't the right Miroku?" I fake a smile. "I think he won fair and square." I shiver at a rush of cold wind. "I'm gonna go ahead and get myself home, it's getting a little chilly." Inuyasha walks up to me. "We rented some movies, so we'll be over soon to hang out. Okay?" I smile again, slightly annoyed that I have to force it. "Yeah, that's fine."

I've been home for only a few minutes, I pull off my hoodie, and frown at how small I have become. I have lost over twenty pounds during these past few months and all my clothes show my weight loss. I pull on the heavy flannel shirt I wear inside to chase off the chill, my mind drifting. I yawn tiredly and carefully move to the couch. I hear the front door open and Inuyasha's laughter. Am I being replaced by Koga? No, best friends don't replace each other. Do they? "That's hilarious bro." Bro? What the hell? I'm his bro...not Koga. They walk into the room. "We brought the movies. Koga says they're pretty awesome action flicks." I force a smile. "Okay, sounds fine to me." Inuyasha grins."I brought the game station and three remotes, we're gonna get our game on later. Koga kick ass in _Halo_." Koga chuckles. "I'm not as good as you, but I got a little skills." Inuyasha pulls out a dvd. "We lead our team all night, we owned." I am being replaced by Inuyasha, Koga is his new best friend, and I feel my mood turn sour.

We finished the movies about an hour ago and now we sitting playing _Halo _as a three man team. My mind really isn't on the game, because my anger and hurt feelings are bugging me. "Miroku, you're not even trying, you're dragging our team down." I frown. "Well excuse me, I'm sorry that my skill isn't as great as yours and Koga's." I roll my eyes and put my attention back to the screen. Inuyasha looks a little confused but shrugs it off. "You were much better the last time we played." I begin to feel even more annoyed. "I guess there's no twelve year olds in this game." I give up on the game and put my remote down. Inuyasha frowns at me. "What the hell is your problem? You're acting childish." I quickly look at him, my glare angry. "Are you serious?! You don't know what's bothering me?! You've got to be blind or stupid not to know." Inuyasha and Koga exit the game. Koga stood up. "Maybe I should leave." Inuyasha shakes his head. "Don't let his crappy attitude ruin our fun."

I look towards the window, growing more irritated by the second. "My attitude is not crappy..." Inuyasha scoffs. "Yes it is. What the hell is your problem?" "Nothing, just play your videogames." Koga sits there in silence, trying to ignore the awkwardness I had caused. I refuse to apologize, I'm not doing anything wrong. Inuyasha looks away, frowning angrily. "We are you acting so immature?" My hands form fists. "I'm not being immature. Why are you trying to piss me off?" He rolls his eyes. "You've been acting strange since you met as at the park. What has gotten into you?" My eyes flare with anger. "Shut up Inuyasha, just let it go. You wouldn't understand anything I had to say anyway. So just drop it." Inuyasha stares at me dumbfounded. "You could try to explain it, I'm not stupid."

I look at him, the anger in me pushing to the surface. "You don't want to get me started on that. Just drop it. Okay?" I feel myself about to crack and I notice Inuyasha shaking his head. "I'm not gonna drop it if you're gonna be acting like an ass all day. At that moment I snap. "You think this is easy for me?! Well it's not. It's hard seeing all the people I love moving on without me. You guys are making lives for yourselves, while I'm stuck here. I can't even get out of that chair and walk. Do you know what that's like to be too weak to walk on your own? No you don't. You never will. So quit acting like you know how I'm feeling. You may be my friend, but I don't think you know me as well as you used to." Inuyasha stares at me in disbelief. "Of course I know you. You're my best friend."

I glare at him skeptically. "Am I?" This time his eyes become angry. "You're seriously gonna ask me that, like you really don't know? We've been friends since we were four and you're gonna act like this? What the hell is your damn problem? You've never doubted our friendship before." I stare at him, my arms crossed over my chest. "You've never tried to replace me before. I'm not even dead yet and you already have a new 'bro', so don't act all innocent." He starts to look confused. "Why are you being so sensitive and touchy? Sheesh bro..." Koga shakes his head. "Miroku, I am not replacing you, that is not my intentions at all. Yeah, we're friends, but he will never trust me like he does you. You two are more like brothers than friends. It's odd to see you being so sensitive." My god, I'm acting like a whiney child and I didn't even realize it.

I relax. "I'm not even that mad...I don't know what my problem is." Koga leans back getting comfortable. "You're going through a lot, we understand." I sigh, my anger fading. "It's just not easy to feel your own body growing weak and no longer being able to do the things you used to do. Like watching you guys play basketball made me jealous, because I can't do things like that anymore. I want to be able to, I wanted to join the basketball team with you two this year, I wanted to graduate and go to college, and I wanted to live my life. This isn't how I thought things would be. Why don't I get to live my dreams?" They just stare at me, because just like me, they could not answer those questions...and I didn't expect them to.

Inuyasha smiles, trying to ease the tension. "Let's just forget about all this and have a good time. Okay? We can keep playing videogames, maybe listen to some music." I agree by picking up the controller I sat down. Koga grins, seemingly relieved that the awkwardness has dissolved. We begin to enjoy ourselves again and I don't feel so angry anymore. "Danm bro, you have thirty kills." I kill another player. "I'm doing pretty good." He shoots someone and gains another point. "You're leading our team, you're doing better than good, you're doing the best." I can't help but feel a little proud, lately I haven't been able to beat Inuyasha at anything, so this makes me feel good. After a couple more hours of hanging with my friends, they leave, and I get the chance to think. I really need to find the root of my anger.

I think back to the breakdown I had with Inuyasha and Koga. Where did all that animosity come from? It wasn't like me to behave in such a manner, I'm typically calm and collected. Was I truly even mad or was it something else entirely? My mood has been off for a while now, but I can't be sure why. I feel as though there's all sorts of emotions rolling around inside of me. It was unsettling to go off like that, for a while there I wore my heart on my sleeve. I don't usually show my emotions like that, it was out of character. I wish I could figure out what really had me so upset. I'm really not even mad at Inuyasha, I never cared that he had other friends before. So it shouldn't have bothered me this time. What was different now? Then it hits me, I'm not angry...I'm scared.

Yes, that's it. I'm scared of dying and instead of breaking down into tears, I broke into fits of rage and jealousy. It makes sense, I don't want to die, and death scares me. I like to believe I'm more mature than most guys and that I have no fears in showing my true emotions. I guess I've been full of crap this whole time. I'm afraid and instead of just admitting it, I hid it beneath a temper tantrum. How very childish of me. Maybe I should just be honest with everyone and admit that I am terrified of dying. At the same time though, what will it prove? Nothing. There is no reason to make people feel the need to coddle me, it would prove nothing at all. I still don't want people to feel sorry for me, that would only make matters worse. There is absolutely no point in telling them anything. I'll just keep smiling and maybe I'll finally find peace and acceptance in death.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	13. Part 12: Back Again

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 12: Back Again**

I wake up the next morning in severe pain and breathing is difficult, I try to get into my wheelchair, but collapse. I try to speak, but find that I can't. I am dying and no one is here to help me. I weakly hit the floor, hoping someone will hear my feeble attempt at getting attention. Mom, where are you? Sango, please help. Why isn't anyone hearing me? Please...someone. My vision begins to blur, darkening around the edges. I need help and no one can hear me. I look around beginning to panic, when the glass on my nightstand catches my eye. I slowly drag myself towards it, getting closer and closer. Almost there, but closer still to losing consciousness. I reach up, willing myself to stay awake a little longer. Reaching up, I knock the glass over, it hits the floor and shatters. Everything goes black.

I don't know how long I laid in my room, I can't even say how long I was out, but I wake up in a hospital bed. The sound of machines beeping enters my ears and I let my eyes slowly drift open. "Oh sweetheart. You're awake. Are you feeling okay?" I look around, taking in my surroundings. "What happened?" My mom frowns. "There was a block in your airway, part of your lung collapsed. You can't go home again." I feel my heart drop. "I can't?" She shakes her head. "No, you have to stay here, they'll care for you better than I can." Tears fill her eyes. "Mom, it's okay. Everything will be fine." I hear Sango choke on a sob. "Miroku...they said there was nothing else they could do and that they're stopping all treatments." Then the fear grips my heart. This is happening sooner than I thought. I didn't realize it would all end so soon and I didn't know it would terrify me so deeply. I hope I'm able to get comfortable living the rest of my life in a hospital room.

Two weeks have gone by and I'm fine with staying here. The staff is doing their best to keep me comfortable and in as little pain as possible. I never feel alone either, I have visitors daily and the support is needed. Inuyasha and I are hanging out right now, he brought in two _PSP's_, he claims to have missed playing games with me. Inuyasha chuckles. "You seem to be finding it hard to focus. You okay?" I laugh. "Yeah, I'm good...this morphine just really works." He looks at me. "So you've been in pain?" I blink. "Well yeah, but that's to be expected." Inuyasha nods his head in a silent agreement. "Besides, with the pain killers it really isn't too bad." He looks back to the game. "I would hope so, we want you to be comfortable." I smile. "I am comfortable." I won't tell him that I'm scared. He puts his hand held game down. "Did you want them to stop with the treatments?"

I look over at him. "Not really, but your dad says it will do more harm than good. So it's for the best." He's looking at the floor instead of me. "So they're just giving up and letting you die?" I pull up the blanket slightly to steady my hands. "If you want to put it bluntly, yes." He quickly gets on his feet and starts pacing. "That's not right. They shouldn't be able to stop treatments if the patient wants to continue with them. You still have so much fight in you. You can beat this thing, but they have to continue with treatments. This really pisses me off, I'm gonna have to talk to my dad about this." I stare at him, my expression calm. "Inuyasha." He stops pacing to look at me. "What?" I smile. "Sit back down and calm yourself. Ranting won't change a thing, so relax. Everything will turn out just fine, you'll see." He goes back to the chair and drops into it. "How do you know?" "I know because I know you and you will be fine."

I wake up the following morning in empty room, I already know that my mother is in the cafeteria having lunch. I also know that Fall Break started today. I look out the window and enjoy the colors of the park's trees, autumn coloring every leaf. My mom's garden putting even it to shame, unless it has wilted in the weeks that she's been by my bedside. Sometimes I feel as though I'm putting her life on hold, she should be dating and finding happiness. Not sitting in here with me day after day. She tries to be brave, but I am not blind to the stress this is putting on her. I know that she'll never consider leaving me here alone though, I am her only child, so this has to be really difficult for her. I'll never understand or even fathom the heartache a mother feels when losing a child, but I know it must hurt like hell.

I hear feminine voices coming closer to my door, the door opens and in walks Sango and Kagome. They speak in unison. "Hey Miroku." I smile as I greet them. "Hey Sango and Kagome." Sango takes a seat in the bed beside me and Kagome sits down in the chair. "How are you lovely ladies doing today?" Sango gives me a quick kiss. "I'm doing pretty good." "Same here." I take Sango's hand. "I'm glad to hear you're both doing okay." Kagome looks over at me. "Inuyasha says you two had a fun time planning some videogames yesterday." I smile. "We did, he even let me hang onto one of the _PSP's_. I actually played it after he left, it gives me something to do." Sango reaches over and pulls something out of her bag. "We brought you a book of wordsearches to keep you busy." She hands it to me with three mechanical pencils. "Thanks, I like wordsearches, they exercise my mind."

Kagome grabs her laptop bag. "We even brought a movie to watch with you, Inuyasha will be here shortly. So it'll kind of be like a double date." I look at both of them. "This was a very nice idea to come up with. I'm sure I'll enjoy myself." Inuyasha walks in and up to Kagome, she stands up for a moment to let him sit down, then she promptly take a seat in his lap. Inuyasha smiles. "Okay, let's watch this movie." We all four sit and watch an animated film and I can't even tell you how many times I laugh. It is the perfect thing to take my mind off of things, sometimes when it's quiet I think too much, and that fear grabs a hold of me again. After the movie ends I begin to get sleepy and Sango actually holds me close and runs her fingers through my hair, until I let sleep claim me.

Three more weeks have past and the cancer has definitely taken it's toll on me. I have dropped another fifteen pounds and am now too weak to sit up without adjusting my bed. Writing has even become painful and with my stronger doses of morphine, it has become harder to write as often. Sometimes I can hardly keep my eyes open. In someways, it feels like they are trying to put me to sleep to die. My voice is the biggest change though, it has become so raspy. It even hurts at times to speak, but I haven't given up yet. I'm going to keep fighting for as long as I can, but I know my end is near. The only thing that has given me strength all this time is my friends. Sango got her drivers license like the others. Inuyasha bought his first car and has heard from college recruiters that if he continues to play like he does, he'll have a scholarship. Koga has also heard this. In some ways I am jealous, but I have found that I am more happy for them.

In the beginning I was so afraid that they would leave me behind, but that was stupid of me. Yes, they're are living their lives, but they find time to come here and tell me all about it. Which my not seem like much, but it means so much to me, that they even find the time to come and just talk with me. They won't be here today though, because it's Inuyasha birthday today. I sent my mom there to wish him a happy birthday, this is the first party of his that I have to miss. I feel bad for not being able to go, but the doctors won't let me leave this room. I let my eyes close, if only for a moment.

"Miroku?" I slowly open my eyes to my voice and see everyone standing in my room, Inuyasha grins. "I brought you a piece of cake." I can't help but smile. "You left your party to come to the hospital? You didn't have to do that." He shrugs. "I wanted to, besides...my entire guests list is right here." I look at him quizically. "You didn't have your usual big party blowout?" He shakes his head no. "I wanted something smaller this year. No need for all the noise and mess." He hands me the cake. "Wasn't the same without you though. We all missed having you there, so we came to you." I smile again, truly touched by this small gesture. It felt good knowing I am important to them and for the first time in weeks a wave of calm washes over me. They were there all after noon, but left when visiting hours ended, leaving me and my mom alone.

The hour is late and my mom is sleeping soundly in a chair, so I pull out this laptop again. I have been writing this for months, typing down anything I find important. Since I have been writing about my ever present fear of death, I guess I should include my most resent thoughts now. Though I still don't want to die, I have come to terms with my fate. I am tired of the pain and drugs, so maybe death won't be so bad. Maybe it wasn't really even dying that I feared. I truly did believe that my friends would move on and completely forget about me. Little did I realize that I mean more to them, than I could even know. What they did today, showed me just how much I meant to them and their lives. So what if the world forgets my name, the people that made my world won't. It's sad that it took me so long to see what was really important. I was too busy striving for the impossible.

Thinking back to even further, I see the signs I missed. Sango trying her hardest to make me feel like I had truly been loved. Inuyasha getting angry and avoiding me, so he could come to terms with my illness. Kagome helping me face my hearts true desires, so I could love another. They were showing me how important I was, but I looked beyond it. I see it all now so clearly and I'm not longer afraid. For the first time, in a long time, I am at peace. If only I had seen those things before, I would have felt like this from the very start. That's not important either, what is important is my realization of how much I mean to those I care for the most. I am happy to say that I know now that my fears were for not. I will not be forgotten and that in some way I will leave a mark. A small mark, but a mark none-the-less and that is more than enough for me.

Tonight I will rest well and when I wake, I'll tell everyone what I have come to know. I can even honestly say, I'm not scared to die, and that they don't have to be sad for me. I have been waiting to be able to say such things, but I also wanted them to be the truth. I hope they will find peace in my words and that it will ease the ache they may have for me. I don't want them to have to cry for me, but I can't say it will keep the tears from falling. I can only explain to them my feelings and let them take from it what the will. So for now, I will close this laptop. I will most definitely be writing about what happens tomorrow. In fact, I can't wait to see the sunrise, but first I have to fall asleep.

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	14. Part 13: A Different Perspective

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Part 13: A Different Perspective**

**(Miroku's Funeral.)**

Three days ago today, my son passed away. A seizure claimed his life in the middle of the night and now I sit in a temple to say goodbye. I can't seem to stop the tears from falling, no mother can ever prepare herself enough to see her child in a coffin. In my mind I'm praying that this has all be an awful nightmare and I'm wishing I can wake up. Yet I know that I can't wake up from reality, this is real. I know, because of the sadness that is in the air. So many teens and teachers filled the seats, grieving the loss of my only son. The only sounds I'm able to make are sobs and the only thing I notice is my sons peacefull face and the touch of Dr. Taisho. This day will scar me forever, I know I will never be able to let him go. ~Mrs. Hisashi

My heart still aches from losing him so suddenly, he was well enough that afternoon. It had all happened so fast, we didn't even get to say goodbye. I have dreamt of him every night since his death and in them, he's not sick anymore. I like to tell myself that this is his way of saying that he's not in pain now and that he's okay. Maybe this is foolish of me, but it's never easy letting go of your first love, especially if you never know how things could have ended. We may have made it all the way, but I will never know now. He will always have a place in my heart and I will always love him. He was someone I loved and he was my bestfriend. I keep waiting for him to open those violet eyes and look at me, a smile on his face...and it's hard to tell myself that he won't. ~Sango Takamaru

I sit here next to my dad, trying not to cry...but I find tears stinging my eyes anyway. I never thought I'd have to say goodbye to my friend like this. I always knew that we may grow apart as we got older, but I knew would stay friends. I'm still thinking as though he's alive, I know he's gone, but I can't accept it. I can't tell someone, who was like family, goodbye and truly mean forever. I think that's what is the hardest, knowing I will never see him again. It's a weird feeling. I will never see my best friend again. He was the only friend I had from childhood. How can I forget twelve years with someone. It's like a huge part of my life is gone. Who will be my bestfriend now? Who will I go to when I need to talk? Why did he have to die? I want to walk out, but I can't will myself enough to stand up. Instead, I silently let the tears fall. -Inuyasha Taisho

Listening to Miroku's mother talk, while standing next to her only child's casket, I feel my heart break. So many people loved him, but none loved him more than his mother. The crulity of losing both her husband, then son, must be devasting. Seeing Inuyasha cry, hurt too, he never dared show so much emotion before. Sango sobs uncontrollably for the one she loved. Knowing someone who died while his life was just beginning seems so unfair. It's almost as though he lived, without truly living. There is no justice in that. He still had so much more living to do and yet, he's gone. Just like that. Here one day and gone the next. I always knew there was a chance he would go, but I was more hoping for that miracle. It's a shame he didn't get it, but there's no more pain now. So I'll focus on that and dry my tears. ~Kagome Higurashi

The sadness in the room is overwhelming and I feel as though I shouldn't be here. I never got to know him like I could have. Yeah, we did some things together, but it was typically in a group. I don't know what his favorite color was, what band he liked most, the type of food he enjoyed the best. All I knew was that he loved Sango, was Inuyasha's best friend, that he played basketball, and that he didn't mind gaming every once in a while. I guess I could have asked him those things and learned more about him. It just seemed like he had more important things to do than answer silly questions like that, but as I sit here, I regret not asking him. I could have made another good friend and maybe become one to him. For all I know, I did. I can't be sure though, because I'll never get the chance to ask. -Koga Tsukaze

Now I didn't spend much time with Miroku, but I do remember him growing up with Inuyasha. They used to annoy the hell outta me. Little brothers usually do get under an older siblings skin. It may be a little odd for me to consider Miroku as a little brother, but he was around so often, that he became another younger sibling. I will admit though that I never wanted the first one, so gaining the second wasn't a happy day. They would trail me around saying they were old enough to be around the big kids. In all honesty I wanted them to get lost, but I never wanted one to die. Seeing his mother so distraught was enough to break the hardest heart of stone. No mother should ever see their child die, it's just not right. So even though Miroku used to help my brother irritate me, he will be missed. -Sesshomaru Taisho

It seems so unfair being at the funeral of a sixteen year old, his birthday only a month away. So many tears are being shed and my heartaches for all those that are suffering. You hear about young teens dying, but you never think that it could happen so close to home. It's almost numbing to think about. A tear runs down my cheek as a beautiful song plays and a slideshow of photos play on the screens overhead. Each picture tugs on my heartstrings. He was too young to go, but he never lost his smile. He stayed so cheerful, yes there were moments when you could tell he was depressed, but he held so strong. I will always think he was a strong person. ~ Ayame Hitomitsu

**(Cemetary Service.)**

Seeing his closed coffin over his hollowed grave is too final. This is the last time I'll see his face, other than in photographs. He can't be dead, I'll wake up and he'll be in bed sleeping. No cancer at all, this has all be a nightmare. That's what I'll keep telling myself. The priest stands at the head of his coffin, speaking, but I can't hear his words. I can't let them bury my son. I need him to come home, I need him to come back to me. I breakdown as I fling myself over his coffin. ~Mrs. Hisashi

Watching as Miroku's mother clings to his casket, it feels as though my heart gets riped out. She screams for him to wake up, her cries heard by everyone. I can't believe I thought that I was hurting the most. This display of love and heartbreak was soul crushing. Her agony is felt by all, nothing can compare to it. This moment makes everything a reality for me, he is gone, and he will never come back. My tears start to fall again and I look up to the sky. "Goodbye Miroku, I will love you forever and I promise to never forget you." With those words, the memory of his smile crosses my mind and I can't help but smile through my tears. ~Sango Takamaru

I help my dad with Miroku's mother, her unwillingness to say goodbye is gut wrenching. I see her return my father's hug, tears staining his suit's jacket. At times like this you really want to say something to help ease a person's pain, but there is nothing anyone can say to ease this hurt. Everyone here is sad for some reason, but none could match her pain. She raised him from an infant, with so many hopes for him. She thought there was going to be much more ahead of him, we all did. No one can ever be prepared for something like this. Life just won't be the same without him, but we have no choice but to keep on living. -Inuyasha Taisho

That was most definitely the hardest thing to watch. They literally had to drag her away from her son. I see Sango take the microphone as a soft melody plays and as she sings her song for him you can feel the raw emotion behind every word. It is a beautiful moment and touching as well. Every word she sings, she means. She will probably always miss him, no matter how her life turns out. He was a pretty big part of her life, just as he was in Inuyasha's. Those three will miss him the most and I can't say I blame them. ~Kagome Higurashi

Sango's beautiful song ends and she passes the microphone to Inuyasha and he begins Miroku's final eulogy. I stand still and listen to Inuyasha's words and he says... "Miroku was my best friend, in so many ways we were like brothers. I could tell him things that I felt I could share with no one else. He never laughed or made me feel uncomfortable while doing so. You never imagine anything like this happening, because it seems so impossible. When you're this young you feel so damn invincible, like you can live forever. So I can't begin to comprehend how helpless he must have felt. Though this has taught me a valuable lesson, life is fleeting and dreams are fleeting, and we have to go out and chase them. Thanks Miroku, for teaching me so much. Goodbye bro." In that moment, you could almost feel his presense...or maybe I am just imagining the whole thing. -Koga Tsukaze

My little brother's words were well spoken and they came from the heart. He really is torn up about losing his best friend. I guess I would be too in all fairness. Though in truth, I feel like I've been in the way for too long now. So it's time for me to sneak away and let the ones who are truly grieving, grieve. One my walk to the car, I look back once at the silver and black coffin that holds someone I knew. "Goodbye Miroku, I'll miss you, you brat." -Sesshomaru Taisho

I rest my head on Koga's shoulder, my heart heavy. "This day was harder than I thought it would be. I can't believe he's gone." Koga gives me a somber look, but says nothing. I get up and start to leave, Koga gets up and follows wordlessly. Staying here is becoming too hard, I hate seeing people cry...it makes me want to cry too. I say a farewell in my head and never look back. Then I say a small prayer for strength for those who loved him most. ~Ayame Hitomitsu

**(One Month Later.)**

In the following month, I have been sleeping in his room. I feel him the most here and I let his pillow catch my tears. Sango comes by to check on my every once in a while. We talk about Miroku, she tells me such great stories about the things they used to do. Inu-No comes by a lot now, I think he has come to care about me, he even asked me out, and Miroku would have loved that. He always did say I should start dating. Inuyasha says he can't get himself to come here, because there's too many memories. I understand that. I also heard that he has become closer to Sesshomaru and Koga. I'm glad he is making a new friends. He was such a great friend to Miroku, I remember him just sitting with him after my husband passed on. I still miss Miroku, his death still hurts, but I am learning to live each day one at a time. ~Mrs Hisashi

His birthday would have been today, seventeen, but instead it's been a month since he died. Sometimes I still find myself crying, so I put on his old hoodie, and let myself sob. Kohaku tries to make me feel better and it's sweet of him to care so much, but it still hurts. I love him still and I'm just not ready to let him go. Maybe one day I can learn to live without him, but now is not the time. For now, I want to cling to his memory. I watch the slideshow disc every day, so I can engrave his face into my memory forever. I still see him in my dreams, he even talks to me now. Last night I dreamt that we were in his mother's garden, having a picnic. That's something I will cherish forever, that was our thing. I will keep my promise to him and move on, but first I have to accept his death. ~Sango Takamaru

I find myself standing infront of his tombstone. "Happy Birthday, Bro. I thought I should stop by to see you. You would have been seventeen today and we've never not been together on our birthdays. Things haven't been the same at school without you. My grade have suffered because I can't copy your notes anymore. I always believe I'm taking good notes, but when I try to study off of them, I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I wrote them. So I failed my History midterm and got a D...so the football coach benched me. Dammit bro...I miss you." I then let myself cry again. -Inuyasha Taisho

I always come here with Inuyasha and he always talk to his grave like Miroku could really hear him. Maybe he could, I don't know what the afterlife is like. I do realize that the aftermath of his death is still great. His is truly missed, I can even admit that it's weird not seeing him hanging around Inuyasha. Since Miroku's funeral, Inuyasha has been really withdrawn. He bottles his feeling more now than he did before, which is why he comes to the cemetary once a week, to talk to Miroku. It is his way of keeping their friendship alive, but it is also hurting him. Miroku can no longer advise him on what to do, so it's not the same. So every time he comes here, he cries. It really is hard to see my strong willed brother, hurting this much. I hope he can let go. -Sesshomaru Taisho

In the time that passed, I learned to laugh again. Miroku never liked seeing people sad, so I moved on. Of course I still remember him, he was the one that convinced me to tell Inuyasha how I felt and I will never forget him because of that. He was a good friend and will always be missed. Like today I was making breakfast and I caught myself humming the birthday song tune. So in his memory I baked a cake, I think I will invite the others over to commemorate his life. It's the least we can do for such an amazing friend. ~Kagome Higurashi

Today is Miroku's birthday and I find myself concerned about the others. Are they okay or has the day brought some heartache with it? I'm sure it has, because he is loved by so many. I went over to his house a week ago to talk to his mother. I now know his favorite color was green, that he liked lemon grilled salmon, he listened to rock music, and liked _The Fast and Furious _films. So maybe I learned those thing a little too late, but for some reason I felt it was necessary. I feel the cell in my pocket vibrate so I pull it out to read the text, and I can't help but smile. -Koga Tsukaze

We are all gathered at Kagome's in remembrance of Miroku. Everyone says a toast in his memory and suddenly it's my turn. "I didn't know Miroku as well as everyone else that's here, but I do know that if this many people care about him, then he had to be pretty great. I'm glad I even had the chance to meet him and get to know all of you. So Happy Birthday Miroku, you will be forever loved and missed." I smile at the others as we celebrate a dear friend that could no longer be with us. ~Ayame Hitomitsu

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished.


	15. Epilogue

Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. I really don't know why we have to do one of these things, it's a fanfiction site...you know that these characters don't belong to me.

**Epilogue**

It felt weird writing the end of my story with the beginning, but I knew I'd never get to finish it otherwise. You see, by now, I'm already gone. I don't know who cried for me, but I'm sure tears were shed. I can't even tell you how long ago I died. I hope that no matter how much time has passed, that my friends still hold my memory. That I found something more than the importance of being remembered. What will I have taken with me in passing? Did I learn what life was really about? Did I fall in love? Leave behind a legacy? Make a mark of any kind?

I guess in someway, I just wanted to, at least, touch the life of one person. I'm not sure if I ever accomplished that either. What will become of my life after death? I can question myself all I want, but I can never find the answers. I can't even be sure if anyone will read my life's story. Maybe, I've aleady been forgotten. It's possible that my friends have moved on so much, that

I don't even cross their minds anymore. I always feared that in death, I'd be forgotten. I wanted my name and story to live on and by reading this, you have helped me accomplish my goal. I hope you have taken something from the words I wrote in life. -Miroku Hisashi

He never would know that we found his story, then added to it. He'll never know how we felt the day we had to say goodbye to him. Though reading this brought me some peace, to know that he found peace in death, set my heart at ease. I only saw the fear and heard the sadness in his voice. I had to watch the boy I loved, still love, waste away. I can't even be sure how much pain he was in, he never complained. He always held strong, he even fought alone for a while. He never wanted pity or help. He just wanted us to keep seeing him as Miroku. He made sure we never saw him as anything less. So when I think back to the times when he was with me, I hear his laugh, see his smile, feel his touch, and rememeber the sound of his voice. I don't see him in that hospital bed.

I merely wish that I had more time with him. I wonder what would have become of him and I. Sometimes I like to believe that we would have gotten married and started a family. That we would have grown old together. I would have watched his hair gray and still found him attractive. We would have made a lovely home and watched our grandkids play in the yard. I can dream, but the sadness will hit, because I'll realize all over again that he's gone. That my time with him is over. Miroku, you maybe gone but you are not forgotten. You will live on forever in the hearts of those who loved you. I hoped you learned that before you took your final breath. So now I'll try to pick up the pieces and carry on with life, because I'm not only living for myself anymore, I'm living for him too. ~Sango Takamaru

(A/N) Please drop me a review, I worked my butt off to get this story finished. I hope you enjoyed this story, seriously review this, it would be much apperciated.


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